I blame the Deep State

New York congressional representative Claudia Tenney, explains the Ben Carson dining set scandal: The Deep State did it.

“Somebody in the Deep State, it was not one of his people apparently, ordered a table, like a conference room table or whatever it was for a room,” Tenney continued.

You may consider this assertion difficult to believe, but I find it quite credible -- for I too have done battle with the Deep State.

Just the other day, I went to the local McDonald's and found that they had stopped selling sugar-free lemonade. For a heart patient like me, sugar-free lemonade is the safest option. I had no choice but to fill up the cup with Diet Coke, which contains caffeine and carbonation. Obviously, the Deep State wants me dead.

A neighbor had thrown out some old kitchen cabinetry. Last week, I came up with a plan to use that wood for a building project. So I went to alley where all of that free lumber had sat for days -- and guess what? The Deep State had scooped it all up and hauled it to the dump, just to annoy me.

Yes, the Deep State and I are old enemies. I still wince when I recall the time, twenty five years ago, when I bought a drink for a pretty girl sitting at the bar at TGIF. She accepted the drink but barely said three words to me afterward. Her expression seemed worried and wary. Obviously, the Deep State had gotten to her. Nothing else can possibly explain her refusal to converse with me.

It never stops! Last month, I ordered black paracord via Ebay. You know what came in the mail? Green camo paracord.

Damn you, Deep State!

Mass murder. Tenney has also said: "interesting that so many of these people that commit the mass murders end up being Democrats." Indeed!

Austin bomber Mark David Conditt was a self-proclaimed conservative from a Christian family -- or so the Deep State would have you believe. Enlightened minds can see right through that ploy.

Reddit AMA with user claiming to be the Austin bomber implied that Alex Jones may be a target. A Reddit user with the name “austinbomber” hosted an Ask Me Anything (AMA) session in which he or she wrote, “There will be another explosion within the next three days ... at a prolific radio-talk show host's house.” Some participants and right-wing Twitter users speculated that this was a reference to pro-Trump conspiracy theorist Alex Jones.

Pro-Trump Twitter users amplified a theory that London Mayor Sadiq Khan orchestrated the Austin bombings to retaliate against Trump for “[standing] against #Terrorism.” In a post that was retweeted over 1,000 times, a Twitter user by the name of “Patriot Kimberlee” questioned the timing of Khan’s trip to Austin and the bombings, linking to a Breitbart article that claimed he was traveling to Austin with the intention of advocating for increased censorship.

Some Twitter users rushed to identify bombing suspect Mark Anthony Conditt as a “leftist” and member of Antifa. One Twitter handle baselessly claimed that Facebook “scrubbed” Mark Conditt’s profile because he was a “leftist.” A network of fake antifa handles that had previously pushed viral conspiracy theories about the Parkland school shooting on Twitter also spread various false identifications of Conditt. One handle shared a seemingly fake Facebook post and stated that Conditt was a member of Nashville’s Anti-Racist Action group. Another tweeted out a picture of Sen. Tim Kaine’s (D-VA) son, saying he was the Austin bomber.

And then we have the towering intellectuals over at Squawker...

Evidence Suggests the Austin Serial Bombings May be the Work of Antifa

The same author is responsible for another, equally "enlightened" piece titled "Cambridge Analytica is the Biggest Nothingburger of 2018."

And now, if you'll excuse me, I have to walk to the corner store to buy some TP. I thought we had another roll in the house, but it seems that agents of the Deep State absconded with it during a covert intrusion last night. Tell me: How the hell did the Deep State manage to train the cat to do his business everywhere but the litter box? I'm a dog person. Forcing me to help take care of a cat is one of the trickiest maneuvers the Deep State ever pulled off.