Wrath of God. Plus: Michelle Obama, Ann Coulter and penis-ownership

Obviously, God is punishing Texas for voting Republican, opposing gay rights, for denying the reality of climate change, and for being the home state of Alex Jones.

What's that, you say? You think that the previous paragraph was in bad taste? Fair's fair, say I. How often have the evangelicals launched that kind of attack against blue staters? If they kick us when we're down, maybe we should start kicking back.

Update: In his latest rant, Alex Jones argued that Michelle Obama possesses a penis and bears responsibility for murdering Joan Rivers. 

​This is video shot by one of their fans where [Michelle Obama] looks like she's either got a rubber snake in her pants or she is -- could be a major porn star in Hollywood. And I'm not putting trannies down. So here's the deal. Joan Rivers said this and died, and none of the media will even cover that she had dinner with the Obamas.

Also, Michelle Obama is a devil.

I'm formulating a new conspiracy theory: Alex Jones is the product of a conspiracy to make conspiracy theorists look bad.

Update to the update: Arguably, it is hypocritical for me to score Alex Jones on this point, since I once published this analysis of the photographic evidence proving that Ann Coulter has a penis. Since I published that piece on April 1, 2007, cynics may conclude that my post was tongue in cheek. Or at least...something in something.

That 2007 post had a strange sequel -- a story best told at another time.

Please understand that I, being a reasonable person, would be perfectly satisfied if Ann Coulter were to make a public announcement that she does not now possess a penis and never has possessed one. Since we live in a cynical age, others might refuse to take her at her word, but I would not be among the doubters. As far as I'm concerned, all she needs to do is say these words in public: "I have never possessed a penis." Once she makes that statement, I will consider the controversy settled once and for all. That's not an unreasonable thing to ask for, is it?