Brain damage, penis damage, Ann Coulter and Karl Rove

Karl Rove maneuvered Bill Clinton into issuing a statement that Hillary does not have brain damage.

Bill Clinton acknowledged the scrutiny of his wife will intensify if she decides to mount a second run for the presidency.

“It’s just the beginning,” he said of Rove’s remarks. “They’ll get better and better at it.”

In a similar vein, I've been trying for years to entice Ann Coulter into issuing a statement that would scotch the oft-heard rumors that she was born with a penis.

Please understand that I do not myself believe in the oft-heard claim that she was born with a penis; I am merely pointing out the incontestable fact that that people have been saying for years that Ann Coulter was, in fact, born with a penis. There really is no other way to put this issue behind us once and for all: Ann Coulter must issue a public statement confirming that, despite all appearances, she was born female and has never been in possession of a penis.

Also, has Karl Rove ever discussed his gay father's penchant for sticking needles in his own penis? If Rove can wonder out loud whether Hillary Clinton suffers brain damage, then we certainly have a right to ask him about the permanent health effects of wee-wee-puncturing.

Sons often emulate their fathers. Does Karl Rove himself like to insert sharp metal objects into his own wee-wee? Or -- interesting thought! -- did the father initiate the son into this eldritch practice? In other words, did the elder Rove ever stick needles and pins into the son's wee-wee?

Mind you, I'm not saying he actually did. I'm merely pointing out that a legitimate question exists. We have just as much right to ask this question as Rove had to say what he said about Hillary Clinton.

Even if Rove denies that he (like his father) has subjected his penis to recreational mutilation, I think that we, the public, deserve a confirmatory photograph. Otherwise, we will never be sure.