Think I should talk to this guy?

If you want the damnedest things to pop into your mailbox on a daily basis, write a blog and get some readers. A fellow named Michael Brown wants me to interview him. Actually, that's Doctor Michael Brown to you, pipsqueak. He has a Piled Higher and Deeper in Near Eastern Languages, which I guess means he can read the Bible in the original Jewish.

Here's his self-promotional letter of introduction:

DC COMICS’ NEW SUPER QUEERO: Gay Activism Turns the Green Lantern Pink

For whatever reason, being gay is popular right now.

Schools are crossing parents to introduce homosexual themes into the curriculum, Chaz Bono is getting headlines as Dancing With the Stars’ first transgender contestant, Barack Obama is coming out as the first American President to openly support gay marriage…

And now, the homosexual agenda marches on, gaining the publicity foothold inside one of our culture’s most traditional media—the comic book—with the announcement that 70-year-old DC Comics superhero, the Green Lantern, will relaunch as a gay character.

So, if homosexuality is becoming mainstream, what’s the problem?

For culture war leader, sexual morality scholar and seminary professor, Dr. Michael Brown, that IS the problem—that, as the gay agenda continues its unrelenting effort to normalize and promote homosexuality, primarily to our children, the morals on which our nation is based continue to erode. …And DC’s latest stunt just proves the point.

“For years, people have been asking me, ‘Why should I care about the gay agenda? How does it affect me?’ Well, now they have their answer,” says Brown. “It has even infiltrated the comic books your children read. And one of their longtime heroes has now ‘come out of the closet.’

From the courts, to the churches, to the cinema, to the comic books, gay activism is having a dramatic effect. And, if we ignore it today, we will have to apologize to our kids and grandkids tomorrow.”

But why? What do we stand to lose?

Call Special Guests now to book Dr. Brown, author of the highly controversial book entitled A Queer Thing Happened to America, and prepare for a compelling argument that even the progressives find frustratingly inarguable.

“I am open to having a public dialog or debate with any qualified scholar, minister, activist or GLBT (gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender) spokesperson dealing with any topic covered in my book…” says Brown.

He wants to talk to ministers and activists, but not just any ministers or activists. Only to ones who are qualified.

And Brown's qualifications are....what, exactly? I can see how he might be your go-to guy if you have a question about the finer points of classical Syriac grammar. (Remember: Keep your adjectives in the absolute state when they're predicative, but make sure they agree with the noun when they're attributive. I can't tell you how many times I've made that mistake!) But I'm not sure he knows much about popular culture.

The sad truth is that kids don't read much of anything -- not even comics. Comic books haven't been for children in decades: Only seven percent of readers are under 17, and the largest age category is the 30-40 age bracket. Those oldsters can, I feel, deal with the unmitigated horror of a gay Green Lantern. Hell, in their world, sexuality is mostly a matter of theory.

Being in a somewhat older age bracket, I have a problem with the revamped Lantern. To me, Green Lantern will always be Hal Jordan, a daring young test pilot who has the hots for his boss -- the beautiful Carol Ferris, CEO of Lockheed (or similar) and occasional dabbler in supervillainy under the name Star Sapphire. Telling you more might injure my argument about the maturity of modern comics.

Odd that Brown didn't criticize another revamped character: Batwoman. Back in the '50s, she was hetero and wore a really awful yellow costume. Now she's a gorgeous lesbian who likes to dress up in tight black leather. For some reason, this character doesn't bother people.

You know who does bother people? Doc Brown. Part of me wants to interview him. Being an arrogant sunvabitch, I'm not even slightly terrified that he might lay down an argument I'll find frustratingly inarguable. One wonders just how many progs the good doctor has left frustrated.

Honest, doc -- if a young male spends all his time reading comic books, he's not going to catch gay. But he might catch virginity.