Maybe I'm anti-social, but I don't get social networking.
What is the purpose of Twitter? Why would anyone want a running commentary of my life, beyond the words that you see here? Why should anyone want to see
your running commentary?
Just now, I tried to listen to the Symphony #10 of Alan Pettersson -- and after ten minutes of
thunka-THUMP-thump-blort-blat-THAP-THAP, I switched over to Beethoven's Eighth just to remind myself what a tune sounds like. Did you need that glimpse of my Winamp playlist? Is your life richer for the knowledge?
Why can't a private life remain
private?
I don't like other people paying attention to the trivia of my existence.
I loathe, despise and abominate situations in which I ask "Where's the maple syrup?" and the answer is not
"We're out" but
"What do you need it for?" Then I have to explain that I intend to place maple syrup in oatmeal -- I have
justify doing a thing like that -- and suddenly there's an entire room-full of people opining on something that's none of their damn business:
"You can put fruit in it!" "There's grape jelly!" "Vanilla extract..." "Brown sugar, not cane sugar..." "Here, let me look up oatmeal modifications on Google..." "You know, oatmeal is great for lowering cholesterol but you ruin it by adding refined sugars which your metabolism stores as fat and..." There's no polite way to tell this team of experts that I did not ask for their aid, that this is
my fucking oatmeal, not theirs. What was supposed to be a thoughtless, capricious action -- grabbing a bowl of oatmeal -- becomes annoying when I must subject every insignificant aspect of the thing to Groupthink.
Twitter simply expands the number of people prying into your oatmeal-customization habits. Why on earth would any sane person
want that?
Worse:
Twitter collects personally identifiable information about its users and shares it with third parties. Twitter considers that information an asset, and reserves the right to sell it if the company changes hands.
Which brings me to another Web 2.0 thang that I just don't get: Facebook.
Frankly, I believe the many reports that Facebook shares all information with the CIA. See
here and
here and
here.
Let me tell you something about the CIA: It operates on a
need to know basis. The entire point of Facebook and MySpace is to scream details about your life that strangers have no need to know. Why would you
do a thing a like that?
Does the concept of a private life even exist anymore? Our professional porn actresses can no longer make an honest living because so many of America's daughters feel compelled to display their fellatio skills on the internet
gratis. As an entire generation grows up without secrets, young people become convinced that the unshared thought is a toxin, that life is an uninterrupted broadcast of The Me Show, that snoopers need
more access to
more details, that a webcam should capture the magic every time someone scratches a hemorrhoid or extracts a particularly recalcitrant booger.
I disagree. Socrates got it wrong: The
examined life is not worth living.