The story of Napoleon, by Donald Trump

Someone must create an animated cartoon of Donald Trump telling the story of Napoleon.

The cartoon should be in the style of the Lauren Kyanka videos, an example of which sits at the top of this post. (Others are here. They're cute and hilarious.)

Actually, five-year-old Lauren speaks more comprehensibly and logically than does Agent Orange. I'm being serious. Compare the two speakers: You tell me which one is more articulate.

While relating the world's most surreal summary of War and Peace, the Orange One also claimed that Napoleon Bonaparte designed modern Paris. Actually, that task was the work of Napoleon III -- or rather, of his administrator, Baron Haussmann. Most of us learned these things in high school or college -- or by watching the occasional documentary or reading the occasional book. Isn't it adorable to see the fires of new knowledge light up within a 71 year-old man?

Here's a bit of history that might interest Der Donald: An American dentist named Thomas Evans -- Louis Napoleon's confidant -- often learned in advance which sections of the city were scheduled for urban renewal. Inside information allowed him to purchase property just before it increased in value, which is how a humble dentist became one of the richest men in Europe. Moral of the story: Autocracy and real estate speculation have always had a kinship.

Actually, it's not fair to liken Evans and Trump. Evans used his money for socially beneficial causes. He also played a behind-the-scenes role in insuring that the Union won the American Civil War.

Hm. This post has wandered all over the place, hasn't it? What the hell. If Donald Trump and Lauren Kyanka can speak in a stream-of-consciousness style, then so, on occasion, may I.

Baltimore. Trump thinks that anyone from Baltimore will be prejudiced against him, since -- according to Trump -- there are "few if any" Republicans in this city. Apparently, only those of Trump's party should be allowed to work in government or the legal profession.

The president has forgotten that he has many supporters in the Baltimore suburb of Dundalk. During the campaign, he visited the Boulevard Diner on Merritt Avenue (previously made famous by Guy Fieri), which has trumpeted its Trump connection ever since. They lost my patronage -- although I may pop in one of these days to ask if they serve borscht.

What can one say about Dundalk, known locally as Dumb-talk? These aren't bad people. They have heart. Their grandparents built the ships that helped to win WWII. One hundred and thirty years before that, the British empire was stopped cold when a couple of local kids killed General Ross at the Battle of North Point.

But...well, let's put it this way: A local thrift store decided to give away all of its books on the grounds that "Nobody here reads."

The NSA is 12 miles southwest and the Edgewood Arsenal is twelve miles northeast, which makes Dundalk the heart of the intelligence community. That thought makes me smile.

Addendum to the preceding post: Looks like Jeff Sessions will hang onto his job for a while longer, even though I predicted that he would resign. (In my defense, many others offered the same prophesy.) Let's hope that my main forecast proves to be just as faulty. Even so, I still think that the world is paying attention to the wrong Simpson right now: Glenn, not OJ, is poised to make history. 

Many happy returns. Tweet from Scott Dworkin:  "Spoke to a lawyer who told me that Mueller probably got Trump's tax returns the first day on the job."

Maybe Mueller can tell us more about the matters discussed in the video below. Here's an ethical conundrum for you to chew on: Suppose Donald Trump arranges for Mueller to be fired soon. (Not unlikely.) Does Mueller just sit on the information he has already gathered? Are all of his investigators bound to keep silent? Suppose they've uncovered dirt that is very, very, very dirty. Shouldn't they feel obligated to warn the world, despite being unable to complete the investigation?