How WILL the Deep State kill Roger Stone?

The "Deep State" has tried to kill Roger Stone again! He was in a car that was hit by a small sedan. Although he escaped with no injuries -- at least, nothing that prompted a trip to the hospital -- Stone remains certain that the dreaded Republican/Democrat Bush/Clinton conspiracy is trying to eliminate him.

You may recall Stone's previous bout with "polonium poisoning," which left him with none of the symptoms that affected all previous victims. Although this condition is usually fatal, Stone claims to have experienced a miracle cure, thanks to those better-than-Lourdes super-duper vitality pills sold by his buddy Alex Jones.

Strangely, we've seen no documented medical proof of either the poisoning or the cure. You'd think that the peer-reviewed medical journals would be all over this remarkable case. Nope.

(If Stone hates the Bush family so much, why did he go to such lengths to stop the Florida recount in 2000?)

Our Deep Staters are not what they used to be if they cannot accomplish so simple a thing as the murder of Roger Stone. In the words of Captain Kirk, "You've managed to kill just about everyone else, but like a poor marksman, you keep missing the target!"

Nevertheless, the Deep State is not likely to give up -- which means that Roger Stone might as well shop for his tombstone. Perhaps his grave marker should be engraved with a selection of Stone's Rules.

"Politics isn't theater. It's performance art. Sometimes, for its own sake."

“Nothing is on the level.”

"Admit nothing, deny everything, launch counterattack."

“Attack, attack, attack, never defend.”

"Unless you can fake sincerity, you'll get nowhere in this business”

His headstone may even have enough room for these words from his Wikipedia entry, presented as unassailable fact (not opinion):

Stone has promoted a number of falsehoods and conspiracy theories.

The "Predict how Roger Stone will be killed" contest! There are only two ways to interpret this man's claims: Either Roger Stone is telling porkies, or the Deep State really does want him rubbed out but keeps flubbing the mission. Since option one is absolutely unthinkable, let us ponder the implications of option two.

The question before us today: How will the Deep State finally achieve its goal of murdering Roger Stone?

Nota bene: I do not condone violence, and I neither advocate nor welcome Roger Stone's upcoming assassination. I am simply taking Roger Stone at his word when he says that he is a marked man. No doubt he has resigned himself to his fate with admirable stoicism: When your number is up, it's up.

In this post, I am simply trying to predict future events based on Stone's solemn assertions, which I would not dare to question. How will the Deep State finally manage to commit this heinous and unforgivable deed? Here are a few possible methods:

Hey Deep State! You can kill Roger Stone by...taking electronic control of his Mercedes and forcing him to do the Michael Hastings Race to Glory.

Hey Deep State! You can kill Roger Stone by...painting a pellet of ricin blue and tossing it in with his Viagra stash.

Hey Deep State! You can kill Roger Stone by...hypno-programming Alex "I like to EAT!" Jones into believing that his pal Roger is a plate of nachos.

Hey Deep State! You can kill Roger Stone by...having a hunter "mistake him for a deer" as he walks through the woods of New Hampshire.

Hey Deep State! You can kill Roger Stone by...forcing him to swallow a bottle of Proloid and then leaving a typed suicide note by the body. The coroner will conclude that he died of natural causes.

Hey Deep State! You can kill Roger Stone by...following the historical precedent outlined here:

Uesugi Kenshin, a powerful medieval Japanese daimyo (warlord) was supposedly murdered in his lavatory by a ninja who had concealed himself in the sewage pit, and who thrust a spear up Kenshin's anus at the crucial moment.

Hey Deep State! You can kill Roger Stone by...hypno-programming Alex Jones to coat the head of his penisette with cyanide.

And now, dear reader, it's your turn. How would you complete this sentence? Hey Deep State! You can kill Roger Stone by...

A final word to the Deep State: My birthday is coming up pretty soon. Hint hint.