Star Wars

Well, we all have Star Wars fever now. You can make your own opening crawl here.

Here's your pop culture conundrum for the day: If trees make air, how do people breathe on Hoth? Or Tatooine? Or Jakka? (If there are fertile areas on those planets, why not live near the trees?)

I did see the new Star Wars picture. Good stuff. I like the idea: If you're not sure how to please the audience, why not just remake the first picture? I think everyone wanted another taste of the "old vintage"...

Confession. A while back, I documented the time I pissed off Orson Welles after talking to him for less than twenty seconds. Now is the time to reveal how I insulted Mark Hamill within a minute of meeting him.

This was before the first Star Wars film had come out. I was in the Avco theatre complex in Westwood, hopping from screen to screen, watching movies all day. (A friend worked there.) Before the feature (Silver Streak, if memory serves) came the trailer for Star Wars.

I had heard positive advance word about Star Wars. Yet, truth be told, that first trailer seemed unimpressive: It was weird and druggy and badly assembled. I hated the music, the narration and the ad copy.

Two guys had entered the auditorium just as the lights came down; they sat fairly close to me. One was in his 20s, the other was much younger, perhaps 13. They resembled each other, so I presumed that they were brothers. After the trailer, they started to leave.

I could not help interjecting. "Wait. You came in here just to watch one trailer?"

The older fellow responded. "I'm in the movie. It stars SIR ALEC GUINNESS." Yes, that is how he said the name: In ALL CAPS. And he said it that way several times, always with the deepest reverence, always emphasizing what an honor it was to work with SIR ALEC GUINNESS, because SIR ALEC GUINNESS was the greatest actor in the world.

I presumed that this young man could not have had a major role in the film. If he had played one of the leads (I reasoned) surely he would be on a first-name basis with SIR ALEC GUINNESS. Probably an extra or a bit player, I thought. He's star-struck. It's cute.

I told him: "Well, I read some interesting things about this movie. But frankly, after seeing this trailer -- man, I don't know. But I hear Close Encounters is going to be great."

The fair haired young man shot me a look that said "DIE." And off he went.

Later that day, I caught the trailer again and had one of those Elmer Fudd "Dat wuz da wabbit" moments. The young fellow who had sat near me was featured prominently in several shots. Despite his star-struck attitude toward SIR ALEC GUINNESS, that fellow I had annoyed must have been a lead actor in Star Wars.

Sorry, but I still don't care for that original trailer (embedded below). Keep reading this blog and I'll tell you more hair-curling tales of famous people I ticked off within seconds of our first meeting.