Lappy, Bibi. Really fucking lappy.

Israeli spooks are my favorite spooks. Why? Because when the Israelis do an op, they're obvious.

People will spend the next hundred years arguing about what British intelligence did during World War II. We will never really know for sure what they got up to, because the Brits are devious little shits.

Israeli operatives, by contrast, are like those old-school comics in the Catskills. Subtlety ain't what they do.

Much of the problem stems from a manpower shortage. There really aren't that many trained Mossad agents -- Victor Ostrovsky, writing in the 1990s, claimed that the agency had only about 35 case officers in the world at any given time. (And let's not even get into the issue of the competing agencies and factions within Israel). In order to pull off any operation, the Israelis have to hire a lot of temp help. Much of the scut work is done by kids fresh out of the IDF.

Israeli kids, like all kids everywhere, are dolts.

Remember the Israeli "art students" who came to prominence not long after 9/11? I met a few of those guys. They had set up shop outside of a Sears in Northridge, selling cheap paintings made by Chinese slave artists. (The story behind those paintings is a scandal in itself, deserving of its own post.) Boy, were they obvious. They might as well have been wearing "LIL SPOOK" t-shirts.

They also clearly radiated loathing toward everyone they met. Their faces were set on perma-sneer.

(The only other time I ever got that vibe was from the Nation of Islam guy who used to hawk his cult's newsletter in the Gelson's parking lot in Tarzana. This was back in the '70s. We would talk every so often. I kind of felt sorry for him, even though he clearly wanted to punch my pasty face inside out. I later read an interview in which he said that he worked that area simply to prove something to himself.)

The Israeli "Kid Spook" battalions also operate as furniture movers, working a notorious scam: They quote a lowball price, get the gig, load up the trucks, and then demand a much higher payment, refusing to release the furniture until the mark forks over thousands more than he expected to. I've seen entire websites devoted to their antics. It appears that the scam continues to operate. Naturally, anyone who complains about these "furniture movers" must be an anti-Semite.

I'm not saying that all of their customers have been made unhappy. In fact, I'm told that these moving operations would occasionally fill large numbers of people with ecstasy.

You probably already know the story about the young "furniture movers" in New Jersey, employed by a known Mossad operative, who were seen laughing and cheering as they videotaped the destruction of the Twin Towers. After the second tower fell, the giddy crew drove away in a van -- and all the while, they were being watched. (Amateur hour, right?) Naturally, someone called the cops and there was a BOLO on the van, which was stopped by a cop named Scott DeCarlo. The kids refused to leave the van even after the cop drew his gun. (Talk about chutzpah!)

What happened next was priceless...

DeCarlo then described what happened after the spies were dragged from their van. “When we removed them, one of the guys that was rather chatty said: ‘We’re not your enemy, we’re your friend. Our enemies are your enemies,’” DeCarlo said.

The key word is obvious. Or maybe we should use the term lappy.

I once read an article about a guy who wrote for the old Milton Berle show. Uncle Miltie was always telling his people to make each gag as "lappy" as possible. That is: Shove each joke right into the lap of the audience. Berle didn't care for cleverness, refinement and subtlety. He liked to keep things lappy. The pie in the face was the quintessence of lappiness.

The Israelis are the Milton Berles of Spookworld. They do pie-in-the-face ops. That's why I love 'em.

I even love the kids who send hasbara comments to this very blog. Hasbara means "explanation." The kids hired to send these comments are supposed to be explaining the Israeli viewpoint in a detailed, rational fashion.

In actual practice, hasbara has become a Ring Lardnerism: "Fuck you," he explained. Every message they send is fuck you fuck you fuck you. They know full well that I won't publish any fuck you fuck you fuck you messages, and they don't care.

No real thought or emotion goes into their work because they have a quota to make: If they send X number of fuck yous every day, the Israeli state helps them with tuition. Since I'm all in favor of higher education, I feel happy to think that this humble blog may be helping young people pursue an academic career. Of course, this spirit of helpfulness will not extend to actual publication of fuck you fuck you fuck you commentary.

(The Russians have a similar operation going. Russian kids get only $37 for a full eight-hour day of trolling the comments sections of various blogs.)

By now you may be wondering what motivated me to write this essay on the Israelis and their love of lappiness. It's Bibi, of course. In the wake of the Copenhagen attack, Bibi Netanyahu offered this very lappy statement:

"Israel is your home. We are preparing and calling for the absorption of mass immigration from Europe," Netanyahu said in a statement, repeating a similar call after attacks by jihadists in Paris last month when four Jews were among the dead.

(A Muslim cop was also killed in Paris -- but hey, let's not spoil the narrative with complexity. As Uncle Miltie always told his writers: Keep it lappy.)

"Extremist Islamic terrorism has struck Europe again... Jews have been murdered again on European soil only because they were Jews," Netanyahu said in the statement.

The Israeli prime minister said his government was to adopt a $45 million (39.5 million euro) plan "to encourage the absorption of immigrants from France, Belgium and Ukraine".

Will there be a mass migration? I don't think so. Anyone with half a brain knows that Israel is a potential war zone.

So what is the purpose of Netanyahu's heart-tugging call?

The answer, as always, is painfully lappy: Jews outside of Israel are starting to get sick and tired of defending Israel's racist violence. They're also sick and tired of playing the "strange bedfellows" game with a bunch of right wing Zionist Christians nutcases. The "Birthright" brainwashing sessions aren't working as well as they used to.

I invite you to listen to the Norman Finkelstein lecture embedded above. (Yes, it's long, but it is filled with good stuff. Convert it to an MP3 and listen while driving or walking.) Finkelstein has some eye-opening insights on shifting Jewish attitudes.

Netanyahu knows that if American Jews turn their backs on Israel, it's game over.

That's why we are now seeing a very lappy campaign to make Jews think that they need Israel as a bolt hole of last resort. Netanyahu is sending one important message to all Jews living outside of Israel:

All gentiles are fiends who grew up reading the Protocols. They all secretly ache for der Tag when they can break out the Zyklon-B and finish the job. They may tell you that their intentions are pure, but their assurances are deceptive. Un-lappy bastards. Devious little shits. Don't trust 'em.

I'm not saying that Copenhagen was a false flag operation. (Some people are saying that -- see here and here. Those links go to the kinds of websites I normally would not consider very credible or even tolerable. In truth, I've barely skimmed the argument.)

What I'm saying is this: The possibility that Copenhagen was a false flag operation did not even enter my cranium until Bibi started to flap his yap.

Lappy, Bibi. Really fucking lappy.