Sunday, June 08, 2014

A plea to young women

More than twenty years ago. That was the first time I saw a young man wearing his belt below his butt. The sight annoyed me, but I presumed that the fad would pass.

It hasn't. As I write, a young man sits at the table in front of me at a local fast food eatery. He could not get from one side of the restaurant to the other without holding his pants up. Hilarious. 

As I've said in previous posts, what bugs me about this practice is that it is so damned old. I don't mind it when young people come up with startling and hitherto-unfathomable ways of bugging greybeards like me. That's what young people are supposed to do, right?

But -- come on. This shit ain't new. This has been going on for more than twenty years.

The problem here is a complete lack of originality. This doltish, robotic generation simply can't think of any new ways to piss me off.

Obviously, nothing I say can bring this inane practice to a halt. But maybe you can do the trick -- if you happen to be an attractive young woman. 

Females across the nation must speak with one voice. Send a message to men like the one who inspired this post: "You look ridiculous. Until you raise your pants above your genitalia, you won't be using that genitalia for anything except urination. No sex for you. Ever. Enjoy celibacy."

In part, young male Californians of my generation are to blame. Yes, I admit it: The foolishness started with us. In the late 60s or early 70s, we began wearing blue jeans lower than they were designed to be worn. We thought we looked with-it and groovy and a lot of other words that nobody uses nowadays.

For the record: The proper belt line position is easy to determine. Can you see where your belly button is? That's where the belt buckle goes. The crotch of your pants should rest about half an inch below your balls. Even if you're plump, try to keep the belt line parallel to the ground. That last part becomes more difficult as a man ages.
Green and purple hair too. Come on, kids--that is so early 80s and long before you were born.

It reminds me of Moby Grape channeling Arthur Godfrey's still living ghost.
The most hysterical fact about this fashion statement that is way past it's prime (and demonstrates how little anything changes anymore) is that this is from prisoners who want to signify they are gay. Way to act heterosexual guys.
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