Funniest post in the history of the internet

A Forbes writer and Ayn Randroid "Objectivist"with the euphonious name of Harry Binswanger has contributed a hilarious essay explaining how the undeserving 99 percent have systematically robbed the virtuous one percent.

For their enormous contributions to our standard of living, the high-earners should be thanked and publicly honored. We are in their debt.

Here’s a modest proposal. Anyone who earns a million dollars or more should be exempt from all income taxes. Yes, it’s too little. And the real issue is not financial, but moral. So to augment the tax-exemption, in an annual public ceremony, the year’s top earner should be awarded the Congressional Medal of Honor.

Imagine the effect on our culture, particularly on the young, if the kind of fame and adulation bathing Lady Gaga attached to the more notable achievements of say, Warren Buffett. Or if the moral praise showered on Mother Teresa went to someone like Lloyd Blankfein, who, in guiding Goldman Sachs toward billions in profits, has done infinitely more for mankind. (Since profit is the market value of the product minus the market value of factors used, profit represents the value created.)

Instead, we live in a culture where Goldman Sachs is smeared as “a great vampire squid wrapped around the face of humanity.” That’s for the sin of successful investing, channeling savings to their most productive uses, instead of wasting them on government boondoggles like Solyndra and bridges to nowhere.

Yes. Because Lloyd did so much for us back in 2008. Never mind the fact that Blankfein doesn't make anything, and never mind the fact that his profits stemmed from a monstrous series of lies and cons, selling derivatives backed by crap loans which received a triple-A stamp by bought-off rating services. Much as it pains me to quote a Kos contributor, I can't resist noting what this person added:

Oh God, please stop—it's too good. The only way to make it better would be to add a line like "and fuck you, cute puppies, and all you stand for."

I can't believe that our world continues to be impacted by the writings of that obnoxious, unlovable lunatic cigarette hag. Ayn Rand began her public career by extolling the virtues of a brutal serial killer. She spent the rest of her life composing a pseudo-intellectual philosophy designed for the sole purpose of justifying her unfulfilled lifelong desire to be ravished by Conan the Barbarian.

But here's the rub: Weak pseudo-Dems like Barack Obama are the only thing shielding us from a takeover by people who consider Ayn Rand and Harry Binswanger to be profound thinkers.

(That said, I've thought for a long time that the easiest way to make a million bucks as a writer would be to do what Binswanger does: Bestow literary blowjobs on the wealthiest among us, and call the results "philosophy." I even came up with a title for my first book along these lines -- Olympus: The New Gods.)