Tuesday, July 05, 2011

The Fantastic Fourth

Hope you had a marvelous Fourth of July. Being a Democrat, I spent part of the day trying to teach a four-year-old girl how to sing the Internationale and the French national anthem.

I saw a parade go through a Baltimore suburb. One group of paraders wore t-shirts bearing the words "Thank you, Henrietta!" This message referred to Balmer native Henrietta Lacks, who (unwittingly) provided the "immortal" carcinoma cells widely used by researchers. In this town, it has become fashionable to speak of Henrietta Lacks as if she were a pioneering scientist, even though her only contribution was accidental. Young people who never heard of Jonas Salk seem to be under the impression that Henrietta Lacks cured polio.

Well, never let it be said that Baltimore does not remember her daughters and sons.

The main attraction was the Edgar Allen Poe float, in which several local beauties played teenaged corpses while their boyfriends got drunk. The Nancy Pelosi float (yes, she was born here) became the target of rotten vegetables tossed by Republicans and Democrats. The Alger Hiss marchers handed the kids small plastic pumpkins with free surprises inside. The Spiro Agnew Memorial Float puzzled many: Apparently, he is no longer a household word. I quite enjoyed the pole dancers on the Emily Post float.

Tupac Shakur himself made a surprise appearance when his memorial float broke down in front of the Family General on Shipping Way. He stopped and waved at the fans for about 15 seconds. Too bad you weren't there.

The Dundalk Intellectual Society demonstrated an impressive ability to count to 17 in unison, a performance marred only slightly by the frustrated participant who kept repeating "Thirteen and a half, thirteen and a half." The Dundalk Library Association proudly displayed their book. The Ayn Rand Pamphleteers handed out free copies of Atlas Shrugged while informing spectators that they were guilty of Collectivist Thought if they did not agree with Ayn's philosophy.

All in all, a terrific Fourth.

3 comments:

prowlerzee said...

Wow....so life there really does imitate a john Waters film.

Anonymous said...

Happy 4th of July. I am sitting in the uk watching the phone hacking scandal expand. I recommend the story to you. In particular do you remember the "squidgygate" tape in the UK? At the time everyone speculated on how the tape if genuine had emerged. People talked about "scanners". Of course now we know about illegal phone hacking it's obvious. Interesting how often this issue - how to use illegally obtained material - can come up.

Regards

Harry

Anonymous said...

And what about the Obama float, with its cornucopia of Social Security numbers festooning its decidedly gay (designed by amateur fashionista Larry Sinclair, no doubt) appearance?

According to the most reliable on-line databases, Lexis Nexis and Choice Point, Barack H. Obama used as many as 39 different social security numbers in his working life so far, none of which were issued in the state of Hawaii, where he allegedly was born and was first employed as a teenager. In fact, there are multiple lists of names very similar to Obama, mostly living at Obama’s former Chicago address and all having the same Social Security number.

Also, the SS number that he used most often was issued in the state of Connecticut to a deceased individual born in 1890. Since Obama never resided in the state of Connecticut and was not born in 1890, this is apparently a violation of Title 42 US Code, section 408(a)(7)(B), misuse of a Social Security number, which is a federal felony punishable under Title 18 USC by substantial fine, by imprisonment of up to five years, or both. It also adds to the evidence pointing to the likelihood of his foreign birth and lack of proper citizenship status.

On with the parade!!!