Maybe so; maybe no. I'd like the apology nonetheless.
Humility, once considered a virtue, has fallen out of fashion. In the 1980s, it was replaced by "self-esteem," then considered a cure-all. Pop psychologists got on the radio and told us that humility was actually a sin. One could achieve mental health only by screaming Me! Me! Me! at every opportunity. Circa 1988, the only people allowed to tell self-deprecatory jokes were presidential candidates; everyone else who dared to attempt such humor received a really annoying lecture on The Need For More Self-Esteem. As time progressed, "self-esteem" segued into bombast, narcissism, ostentatious consumption, arrogance, unearned condescension, rudeness, viciousness, and -- finally -- Inchoate Rage Against Everything.
In Obotland (and in Far-Rightland) you see a lot of that Inchoate Rage. It usually manifests itself as the deluded belief that one may convert through insult: "If I can get in touch with my inner Eric Harris, everyone will see the light and think as I think." Of course, that trick never works -- and the trick's failure leads to ever greater spasms of Inchoate Rage. A vicious cycle.
Try a little humbleness. It may help. Can't hurt.
I'm not talking solely about politics in this post. Something is wrong with the modern world in general. People would rather staple their ears than apologize about ANYTHING.
These days, if some guy at a party steps on your foot, he blames you for putting your foot there. Not kidding. I've seen that happen -- exactly that.
Some years back, I was riding the bus at night. A woman rang the bell a couple of stops early. The bus driver mildly castigated her. The woman angrily tried to argue that her mistake resulted from something that the bus driver had done. It was all his fault. Obviously, her onionskin thin ego forbade her from mumbling a quick "Sorry."
Why?
When I was a young, people did not act this way, at least not to this degree. What changed? Is everyone really so insecure?
After I asked this question on The Confluence, another commenter offered this answer:
It’s part of the non-accountability culture we are living in. If you apologize for something, you’re taking responsibility, and you logically then must be accountable for the outcome or amelioration of it. And no-one seems to be willing to do that these days.I think that's part of the answer, although not all of the answer. In my view, the ready apology -- even the occasional insincere apology -- provides the grease that allows the gears of civilization to turn. For some reason, our culture has run out of grease.
(Yeah, this is a non-political post, at least in part. Yeah, I know that I'm supposed to save such posts for the weekend. I'm sorry.)
22 comments:
Most of the obamabots are sheep. so there is no way they will start to admit the mistake unless some one told them to do it. They will wait to get their starting orders before any thing happen.
For far, far too many people "raised" by the drug and alcohol addicted members of our society during the last two generations, vulnerability in any form = death. Apology is a form of vulnerability. Therefore apology = death. It's not the whole explanation for why our collective behaves sociopathically, but it explains much of the O-bot phenom to me. And more than a little of the Bush-bot phenom, too.
You are so right. I was raised to say "Please, Thank You, You're Welcome, Excuse Me, and I'm Sorry".
These days people look at you oddly if you use any of those phrases. It seems that they've become meaningless.
I think it's that kind of social breakdown that leads to people killing one another for a stepped on foot or an unintentional insult.
I've been threatened as well and I agree with you. An apology is far overdue.
I think the ability to apologize is mostly based on intelligence and ego strength.
Republicans and conspiracy people have low intelligence and weak egos. They are too stupid to see their mistakes--and not courageous enough to admit them even if they were smart enough to see them.
So conspiracy people and Repubicans virtually never apologize for anything.
Obama supporters, by contrast, are intelligent enough to see their screw-ups. In fact, they are admitting it all over the web now.
But there's no sign today's progressives have any courage whatsoever, much less the courage to apologize to someone they've wronged.
Also, they seem to be mostly Philistines and misogynists. So there will be no apologies.
Sorry but who cares about an apology. I care about what people do, not what they say. The one thing they could do is to help start/join the movement to eliminate the super delegates. The repugs don't even have them and they are the only reason Obama was able to win the primary. They are undemocratic and are bought and sold just like most pols. When the democratic party moves to get rid of them I might come back to the party.
I think Nibbles is really onto something here when she speaks of the dangers of vulnerability.
You know, after 6 months of their abuse I have no desire to get an apology from them. I want to sit back and see them reap what they sowed.
If you look at their blogs they are trying to rally support to petition Obama to loosen his secrecy laws.
I say laugh at the effort. Laugh and laugh and laugh at them until they leave the internet in shame-not at their bad deeds, but at their utter impotence.
Then I will graciously accept their apology.
Lack of empathy leads people to wrongly predict how others will respond to their interactions. It is not uncommon for rapists to offer up their phone number to a victim thinking the victim enjoyed the session as much they did. Sociopaths tease themselves intoattacking by convincing themselves that the everyday behavior that distracts them is intentionally provocative. In their fantasies, they have vanquished you, and you are humiliated by their brilliant cutting remarks. When you do not respond as they expect, you have threatened their world view and self-image. Worse yet, you've exposed them as impotent. They don't like that.
This is the exact same behavior we saw out of conservatives in the 90s.
I remember years ago, during the Menendez brothers trial, reading an interview with one of their friends. The friend talked about how when they walked into a room everyone paid attention to them because they were so obviously superior. Obots are kinda like that. Look at the number of Obama-blogs that talk about pointing and laughing at PUMAs. What the hell kind of rhetoric is that for educated people? I tell you, they believe that Obama is transcendent and therefore, they are transcendent for having supported him. And what is the proof that Obama is transcendent? That so many enlightened people love and support him - natch. Those of us who supported someone else are inferior - if we weren't, we would have supported Obama. And just as Augustine pointed out, one of the joys of being accepted into heaven is watching the punishment of the sinners in hell. So, when we lowly Clinton supporters don't have weasels ripping our flesh off, it gives Obots an inkling that they have a faulty plank in their platform and that means they might crash through and land down here with the very folks they consider inferior. They really hate that.
I'm pretty sure that is the math. There is tremendous danger in getting yourself up in a worldview based on a daisy chain.
I think what changed us was Vietnam and the loss of our last president who was not a puppet of the ruling class. Up until that time, when it became completely clear to many of us that our government lied with impunity, I remember that politeness (not to be confused with actual kindness, sanity, or moral virtue) was the norm. When the anti-war movement was hijacked by people like Ayres and Dohrn, it became uncool to be polite. This was reinforced by an entertainment culture that, while occasionally speaking truth to power, often confused pointless profanity and rudeness with "truth". (Not that I'm against pointless profanity, I just don't conflate it with truth.) The '80's culture of "Me! Me!" also contributed.
Obama's campaign recruited supporters by targeting those who were emotionally vulnerable possibly because of the damages they suffered by events that they felt they could not control. His recruiters and Obama himself offered up an image of a leader who would change everything and make everything alright. This comforting dream may have been all that separated them from experiencing despair and had to be protected from anyone who attacked it with reality. The seemingly irrational rage directed at anyone who stated that Obama might not be who he claimed to be actually was quite rational, if you see it as an attempt at self-protection. This doesn't excuse it.
I used to say,"Being Republican means never having to say your sorry" I've had to drop that phrase.
I think the ability to apologize is mostly based on intelligence and ego strength.
Absolutely Perry Logan! Small people do not have the ability to apologize. Only those with self-confidence and intestinal fortitude can do it and mean it.
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I traveled quite a bit in my 20 years in the Navy and what I've seen is an appalling lack of manners from a lot of society. A little bit of manners goes a LONG way. I'm from the North but have spent a lot of time in the South and I've got to say that after dropping a few Maam's and Sir's that I got a huge positive response from the locals even with my Yankee accent. People just don't have good manners anymore.
I blame John Lennon and Eric Segal
They combined to give us "All you need is love and then you never have to say you're sorry"
It's about being perceived as weak. Part of it is in pop culture imagery- the gangbanger, the drug dealer, the bond trader....Never admit you are wrong and you never have to take responsibility morally, emotionally, legally (criminal or otherwise), publicly. Everything we have been taught in the last 30 years is about how perception is everything. With ethics no longer a mainstay in public education it all comes down to flights of fancy.
Shame really.
BTW- loved your original post. I'm now a registered independent. My Dem friends are mad on one level but some are begrudgingly now admitting admiration for my principled stand. Even many Repubs I know are being respectful of my willingness to break away from the herd mentality.
Is there a reason Cannonfire, The Confluence and No Quarter are all not blogging about Barack's brother charged with sexually assaulting a 13-year-old girl in November 2008? Being blocked from returning to the United Kingdom. It's even in The New York Times this morning. I keep waiting to see it on a blog I read but nothing.
The reduction of humility actually began with those who came of age in the 60s (Side note: One could in part blame the use of the non-addictive LSD, but only to the extent that it enables one to more easily recognize one's personal patterns (this has in fact been proven scientifically by those few psychotherapists who are allowed to use it for research); after that, what the individual does with these insights is strictly up to them). The rationale actually given at that time was that the standard courtesies and manners ( remember that these - in particular "please" and "thank you" - are also expressions of humility) were a form of oppression which stifled personal growth, and therefore for a child to become fully self-actualized they had to be done away with (for this same reason things such strict early bedtimes, keeping one's room neat, etc., were also set aside).
This philosophy led to the 1970s, otherwise known as the "Me Decade." (Side note: Al Franken satirized this trend with a running gag on Saturday Night Live in which he declared the 1980s the "Al Franken Decade" :D) And - as they do with anything and everything they can - right-wingers twisted and co-opted this into a justification for being allowed to do and say whatever they wanted, no matter how false, selfish, greedy, or hurtful it was.
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Joe -
Of course, that trick never works
Hmm, so the Obots are Bullwinkle, and you are Rocky the Flying Squirrel?
At least now I know how to picture you. :D
Sergei Rostov
A sheep is a sheep is a sheep!
Thanks Joe for putting into words what I ( as many others I am sure ) was thinking. As usual you hit the nail on the sheep's head!
An apology from them? It would ring hollow. I could never trust them to have my back in the political wars to come. They sold their souls to a political devil. I could never take an apology from them with sincerity.
No. I think some serious groveling is in order but sadly I think even that would never be enough. The wounds are too damn deep!
thanks for the great post, joseph, it connects some dots about the 70's to present and humility vs "self esteem" that I had not thought about before. all I know is in the end humility is genuinely way more powerful than the opportunistic obot bravado - otherwise why is it so threatening that it's targeted with such insanity and rage.
justus
I'm in the group that does not accept an apology, hence it would be a waste of time. I'm happy to never talk to anyone who called me a racist, and I have no respect for the blogs that misrepresented their liberal banner.
omg...
"I blame John Lennon and Eric Segal"
Even as a puffed up joke, equating a true artist with some romance driveler falls flat.
Instant Karma gonna get you...slap you right in the face.
Please, the only thing worse than Obama adoration is John Lennon worship. Lennon, much like Obama, got a whole lot of people to consider him a saint and savior of humanity while not, in reality, lifting a finger to help anyone but himself, and continue to insist that he, not Paul, was the talented one when, again in reality, Paul continued to write great songs while Lennon continued to produce un-listenable dreck.
And as for "romance driveler," nothing a romance writer ever wrote comes close to the syrupy sap of that beauty-pageant answer "Imagine."
Rant off.
Powerful video of Harold Ickes at Confluence link you gave above, Joseph. I think someone in the thread there wondered where he's at lately. I dunno. But I just ran into this interview with him by Charlie Rose Nov 24 after the election, during transition team. Ickes never met Obama he says. Has interesting comments worth a listen in this 15-20 minute talk.
http://www.charlierose.com/view/interview/9663
DO -
got a whole lot of people to consider him a saint and savior of humanity Lennon didn't try to get anyone to do this; in fact, if you watch the documentary "Imagine", you see how exasperated he was by this, and even an example of how he tried to dissuade people from thinking that.
while not, in reality, lifting a finger to help anyone but himself This might be true...except for all those years he spent trying to reform marijuana laws, permanently end war, etc. etc. etc.
not Paul, was the talented one when, again in reality, Paul continued to write great songs while Lennon continued to produce un-listenable dreck. Paul hardly wrote a decent song after the Beatles broke up - Wings was an awful awful band - with only extremely rare exceptions such as "Maybe I'm Amazed."
And as for "romance driveler," nothing a romance writer ever wrote comes close to the syrupy sap of that beauty-pageant answer "Imagine." At least it calls for peace, brotherhood, sharing, and love...I'll put it up against "Open the Door" (silly, ecch), or "Say, Say Say" (double silly, double ecch) any day.
Sergei Rostov
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