Thursday, November 27, 2008


Just what is it that the Lollipop Guild DOES?


Anonymous said...

They suck, dude.

Anonymous said...

The Lollipop Guild (LG) is one of the key covert factions within the Oz power structure. They played a key role in the second Ozma/Ginjur civil war, which, as you know, erupted in the wake of public displeasure with Ozma's ill-considered invasion of Bunbury. It was the LG which revealed to public the classified documentation which punctured the Ozma administration's official findings that Bunbury was responsible for the attack by an explosives-laden Flying Gump against the north tower of Emerald City.

At that time, when much of the public remained transfixed by the grotesque spectacle of Princess Polychrome's visit to rehab, General Ginjur mounted her troops for a grand assault on the Emerald Throne. The Royal Army of Oz at first mounted an exemplary defense. But public morale was further weakened by the assassination of Jack Pumpkinhead, and by the LG's published evidence (quite dubious, in my opinion) indicating that the video of the event had been modified to erase evidence of squash meatus splattered over the rear of the royal chariot, indicative of a second gunman firing from the front.

The LG, in short, propagated the notion that Jack had been shot by members of Ozma's own Royal Intelligence Bureau. Personally, I never thought that the RIB thesis made basic sense -- after all, Ozma had CREATED Jack, in her previous incarnation as the boy Tip.

Unfortunately, even after she was confronted with proof of the LG's flagrantly treasonous activities, Ozma refused to believe the evidence. Being a Munchkin herself (at least by adoption), she could not bring herself to believe that the threat to her reign was of Munchkinland origin.

Thus it was that Ginjur launched the successful Third Great Assault, the catastrophic consequences of which are well-known to all.

The time has come to address the question: To whom are the Lollipoppers loyal? One commonly heard theory holds that they are in the secret employ of the Nome King. Indeed, the popular novels written by Blynk Herkimer, current assistant secretary of the LG, contains transparently-disguised Nomist propaganda. Other researchers have been following the LG "money trail," and have come to the conclusion that they have been funded by the American heirs of the Great Wizard. (As you know, they have never abandoned their claim to royal throne.)

Although that scenario remains highly improbably, it is widely suspected that the money is coming from some other source outside the Deadly Desert. The most common theory holds that the Lollipop Guild is a front for Mossad, although there is no consensus as to their motive for destabilizing Ozma.

-- Johnny Dooit

Perry Logan said...

They are working closely with the CFR to establish a tyrannical world government. No one knows about this but me.

Anonymous said...

Wow... Thanks for the education, Johnny. I guess I always assumed they were a group of craftsman who produced all manner of tools, domiciles and other products for the vertically impaired.

Anonymous said...

And the Lullaby League is nothing to you? Sexist.

Joseph Cannon said...

The Lullaby League is important too, sweetie.

Anonymous said...