Dizzyworld Diaries, Part 1

dr. elsewhere here

Wherever “here” is around here.

Daring adventure, this. I could tell from the moment I boarded my connecting flight from DC to Orlando. I always wait until the last second to get in line; why stand waiting to board and struggle getting past people? Just go on last and stroll through after the chaos dies down.

As I sauntered over to the gate, I heard a familiar voice. It was clear and self-assured, definitely groomed for the airwaves; distinctive. It was also exceedingly polite, gracious, and fun, lots of banter with the attendant at the counter. But somehow neither the timbre nor the content evoked a face for me, so I looked around to find the source.

And there he was, folks; exquisitely perfect, given our destination. None other than the current official mouthpiece for our current official delusions and deceptions….
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Mr. Tony Snow himself.

He was casual; jeans and a yellow oxford button-down. Heading to Disney for a refresher course in selling fantasies, I presume.

Of course, I didn’t think of that while standing there in line with him. All I could think about was how to nail the guy, how to concoct the cleverest and pithiest put-down, how to deliver it with all the sophisticated calm and aplomb of an Oscar Wilde or Dorothy Parker. The slightest nod of my head and a coy wink as I proudly leave him in my dust in business class on my way to coach.

But, alas, my habitual plan works too well, and the line moved at a clip, and Tony actually never looked up from his paperwork for more than a second to make sure he kept up with the line.

Then there was the fact that I quite frankly was having trouble keeping a straight face. No, honestly; I had not consciously thought I would actually find it so funny, but everything that was running through my mind at that point was just what a caricature in a diabolical cartoon he is, so unreal and yet so utterly determined to be taken seriously.

So I missed my chance, which was ever so brief and fleeting.

Ultimately, I decided the unintended outcome was likely the best insult I could deliver, under the circumstances, circumstances that are symbolized by my journey to the ultimate in fantasyland and manifesting in the man’s role as Maestro Mickey Mouse for this administration’s three ring circus.

I ignored him.

Which, as it turns out, proves to be the theme and lesson of my visit to this den of delusion and distraction down here. This entire enterprise and its motivation is best ignored. It’s the only really healthy response. Unfortunately, the impact of both Disney and Snow’s snowjob cannot be.

But I’ll get to that another day. For now, I’d like to maintain this level of fun and dizzy spin and solicit some of your own snappy comments that I should have shared with Tony Snowman. Lay it on thick, no holds barred here. And happily imagine yourself in my position actually taking the verbal swing at the guy and leaving him completely and totally stunned. Stunned, I tell you; I left the guy speechless.

G’ahead, knock yourselves out.