Onward, Christian soldiers!

Pat Robertson now claims that Hugo Chavez gave Osama Bin Laden $1.2 million after the September 11 attacks.

Of course, if any persuasive evidence backed that assertion, American intelligence would have been all over it ages ago. Why would the Bush administration -- which has tried to unseat Chavez -- keep quiet about such a pay-off?

Or perhaps...just perhaps...there is no evidence. Perhaps Robertson, like most other fundamentalists, favors a rather elastic interpretation of the commandment against false witness.

Gee. Ya think?

Asked how he had obtained information on Chavez giving money to bin Laden, Robertson said: "Sources that came to me. That's what I was told."

Hm. So "sources" are telling Pat things that they aren't telling the American people. Just who is giving Robertson foreign intelligence briefings?

His reference to "sources" reminds me of James Dobson, who got The Word from none other than Turdblossom himself. Administrations used to relay information via their press secretaries. Now they use evangelical ministers. Faith-based disinformation.

(Actually, the origin point for this yarn can probably be found in a "defector's tale" mentioned here. Defectors are notoriously unreliable, due to their tendency to spew whatever they think their sponsors want to hear. No-one in the intelligence community seems to have paid much heed to this particular account.)

Robertson, of course, is the same fellow who called death squad leader Roberto D'Aubuisson "a very nice fellow." Robertson is the same fellow who got into dirty business deals with war criminal Charles Taylor. The same fellow who made even dirtier deals with the bloodthirsty Mobutu Sese Seko. The same fellow who, in his book The New World Order, quotes frequently and approvingly from such noted anti-Semites as Nesta Webster and Eustace Mullens.

Compared to that crowd, Hugo Chavez is about as "dangerous" as Rachel Ray.

Rev. Dobson on penis size. Yesterday, Randi Rhodes revealed something about Dobson that I did not previously know. Apparently, the good Reverend believes that men should shower with their sons: "He can even take his son with him into the shower, where the boy cannot help but notice that Dad has a penis, just like his, only bigger."

Now, I know that in nudist families everyone sees everyone else all the time and the sky does not fall. Even so, there's something creepy about Dobson's advice, since it comes in the context of de-gay-ifying a boy who may show signs of acting fey.

Remember, Dobson is the freakazoid who thinks Spongebob Sqarepants is a threat to American manliness.

Suffer the Children. The disturbing, NAMBLA-esque flavor of Dobson's commentary casts an interesting light on this story:

After news broke that local law enforcement officials were investigating complaints that Louis Beres, longtime chairman of the Christian Coalition of Oregon, had molested three female family members when they were pre-teens, The Oregonian in Portland went out and interviewed Beres' family members.

Two told reporters that Beres, indeed, had molested them. All three said they have been interviewed for several hours by detectives.

"I was molested," said one of the women, now in her early 50s. "I was victimized, and I've suffered all my life for it. I'm still afraid to be in the same room with [Beres]."

The coalition led by Beres, 70, champions socially conservative candidates and causes. Its Web site describes the group as "Oregon's leading grassroots organization defending our Godly heritage." The group opposes abortion, gay rights, and stem cell research. It is affiliated with the national Christian Coalition, which was founded in 1989 by television evangelist Pat Robertson.

Remind me. What's the name of that guy who said something about judging a tree by its fruit...?

Beres, it turns out, was a delgate at the 2004 GOP convention. He gave an interview at that time, and his words then now seem darkly hilarious. Bush, he claimed, had shown insufficient enthusiasm for the anti-gay marriage amendment:

"We’re very disappointed and I believe this could affect the president's election with my people," said Louis Beres, an Oregon delegate who leads his local Christian Coalition organization. "What this will do, is it might dampen the enthusiasm of the social conservatives if the Republican Party has the semblance and perspective of promoting pro-homosexual, pro-abortion people at the convention when we are the pro-life party of America."

Maybe he thinks heterosexual pedophilia isn't so bad...?