Tuesday, January 11, 2005

A note to my readers

Work is once more interfering with "real" life -- that is to say, my internet life. That's why I've gone two whole days without writing anything.

On that note, I've put together a handy-dandy guide for those of you contemplating a move to Los Angeles. Here's how to determine how much rent you should expect to pay:

1. Add up the sum total of your yearly earned income from a full-time job. (Be sure to include overtime).

2. Give that sum to your landlord.

3. Supplement your income via moonlighting, faith healing, tarot card reading, prostitution, drug smuggling, murder for hire, etc.

4. Give all supplemental income to your landlord.

5. Borrow from relatives, credit card companies, banks, etc.

6. Give all borrowed money to your landlord.

Just follow those six easy steps and you may be able to afford a one-bedroom apartment in Los Angeles at current market rates. If you still can't make rent, consider counterfeiting.

The preceding guide may give you some explanation as to why posting will be irregular for the next week or two. Yes, I still plan to astound the world with shocking exposes of reactionary conspiracies against peace, progress, decency and reason itself. I do have a few goodies lined up.

But the posting will come in explosive spurts, following periods of abstinence.

I will be grateful to any reader who can re-word the previous sentence in such as way as to render it devoid of all sexual overtones.

Please tune in again tomorrow -- at which time I should be ready to, er, spurt.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

"I will be grateful to any reader who can re-word the previous sentence in such as way as to render it devoid of all sexual overtones."

Why would we want to do that, Joseph? ;)

CathyW said...

Ditto. I am still chuckling. One of the best one liners I have seen in ages. It's hilarious.