Is Bush using a "molar phone"? More to come...

Because chainsaw guys like to start work promptly at 8 a.m. (except, of course, for the ones who appear in horror movies) I found myself in front of the 'puter bright and early today. To my surprise, I found that my modest site had received an unprecedented number of hits. Nothing fetches 'em like a good conspiracy. In this case, though, I strongly suspect that matters goes beyond mere theory.

Let us therefore offer a bit more now (and, I hope, a lot more later) on the distinct possibility that George W. has been in radio contact with his handlers -- both during the debate, and on other occasions.

If you want to get a gander at the "mobile molar" device invented by young British science whizzes James Auger and Jimmy Loizeau, you can either head to the London Science Museum -- which has one on display -- or you can visit this site, which has a cool photo.

The quotes in this piece are just too damn juicy:

The design of the tooth phone means that sound reception is totally discreet. Potential uses could include spin doctors sending information to politicians as they are being interviewed, city traders receiving stockmarket information in the cinema, or football managers communicating with their players during key matches.

Heh heh. "Spin doctors sending information to politicians as they are being interviewed." Gotta love that one.

Ah, but that's not even the best part:

Bizarrely, the exhibition of the device comes as scientists in Finland complete a study that has found that radiation from mobile phones can cause changes in human cells that might affect the brain. A similar French study has indicated that headache, fatigue, and sleep disorders may result from change to human brain cells induced by radiation from mobile phones.

Molar phones may be consigned to the likes of "Q" and James Bond for the foreseeable future.

Personally, I'm not at all convinced that normal cel phones have these negative side effects. Even so, I must admit -- these allegations go a long way toward explaining Bush's behavior. Capitol Hill Blue and other publications have persistently reported that W has been acting strangely, and may even have gone back to the bottle. Since an intracranial radio transmitter would expose one to electromagnetic radiation on a continual basis, any adverse health effects might well have greater impact than would be the case with normal cel phone usage.

I should note that paranoids have long speculated about hidden radios of this sort. As far back as the 1970s, a rumor circulated that Uri Geller had a radio implanted in his teeth to help him pose as a psychic. (Before someone named Uri dials his lawyers, please note: I am reporting a rumor I heard long ago -- not a belief that I have ever held.) And, of course, wags have long speculated that Ronald Reagan's earpiece actually served as a radio receiver, allowing offstage handlers to assist him in maintaining the illusion of non-senility.

Former CIA man Victor Marchetti told Agency historian John Ranelegh a memorable tale which may pertain to our present inquiry. Many a moon ago, Marchetti's former employer (perhaps at a time when Bush the elder was DCI?) wired a radio transmitter into the ear canal of a cat, who was supposed to function as an electronic eavesdropper. Sadly, the expensively-trained animal's first assignment ended when a car ran over the poor creature. Perhaps Hollywood should merge the Garfield and James Bond franchises?

Those who would consign all such yarns to the sub-basement of conspiratorial fantasy should visit the London Science Museum. As noted earlier, matters have gone beyond theory.