Wednesday, September 10, 2014

No atheists in foxholes!

Right-wing activist Bryan Fischer has written an opinion piece advising that atheists be barred from serving in the military. This is a promising idea, although Fischer does not go far enough.

I propose a sliding scale of service options. Fundamentalists will be given extremely hazardous combat duties, with the most fervent zealots being sent out on suicide missions. Truly annoying proselytizers will be ordered to disarm explosive devices. (I see no need to train them. Just tell 'em to cut the green wire and pray.) Fundies in the Army will not receive body armor and fundies in the Air Force will be allowed no parachutes. God will protect them. Meanwhile, the more moderate believers -- the kind who attend services only on Christmas and Easter, the folks whose idea of Deep Theology is humming along with Jesus Christ Superstar -- can cook and sweep and clean the latrines. Agnostics and people who lean toward a vague pantheism will receive cushy gigs in finance and other "chairforce" positions.

That should thin the herd nicely.

4 comments:

Tom Stedham said...

"There are more atheists in foxholes than there are faith healers in hospitals. "

Anonymous said...

LOL! Mr. C.
My understanding of the entity often referred to as G-d, is outside of all the definitions that I have ever read; so, I don’t know which category I should be placed, but I will settle for a job with front-line contact as a mentor to Syrian Girl. ;)

Anonymous said...

There are no atheists in foxholes, and there are no anti-Semites in hospital waiting rooms.

CBarr said...

Netanyahu has stated that he is an atheist.