A most salacious post. ("Heh heh. He said 'post'!")

Wow. I spent today at the hospital, only to discover upon my return that the entire political world has become obsessed with wee-wees.

The Iseman cometh. Did John McCain boff an intern named Vicki Iseman? Both the Washington Post and the New York Times ask the question. McCain refuses to deny a sexual relationship. His team offered this carefully-worded response:

He has never violated the public trust, never done favors for special interests or lobbyists, and he will not allow a smear campaign to distract from the issues at stake in this election.

You see anything in there about wee-wees? Me neither. If Bill C had to utter the words "I did not have sex with that woman," then by God, John McC has to say the same humiliating phrase. Even if he actually did the deed. Fair is fair, right?

Over a month ago, the American Specator reported that the NYT has been sitting on this story for ages. The Times decided not to run it after McCain threatened to file suit. Seems to me that if the Gray Lady is running with it now, the evidence must have...er...firmed up. So to speak.

Isn't the timing just peachy-perfect? McCain could drop out and give the race to Huckabee, the Democratic party's dream opponent. Or he could stay in the race and enjoy a McGovern-style loss.

The Jesus voters might forgive him if he offered one of those teary-eyed Swaggart-esque "I have sinned" confessionals. But that ain't the McCain way, is it?

Obama: Meanwhile, the Democratic frontrunner stands accused of serious wee-wee misuse, accompanied by cocaine inhalation. The accuser is a fellow named Larry Sinclair, who describes Barack Obama as a Gannon-esque he-ho. Here's a Sinclair sampler:

After expressing to the limo driver that I wanted some company for the night with someone who knew Chicago, I was introduced to Barack Obama by my driver at a bar on Rush street. Mr. Obama and I had a few drinks and talked for about an hour or so at the bar. I mentioned to Mr. Obama that I could really use a couple of lines to wake up, as I was really tired but I wanted to do a night on the town while in Chicago...

After snorting the first line, I used my right hand to rub Obama's left leg up to his crotch. After Obamaa became aroused, I snorted the second line. While snorting the second line, Obama had undone his pants and had his semi erect penis pulled out of his pants.

Obama then stated that smoking crack makes him harder and hornier longer.

Yes he can!

Oddly enough, a number of people have found this account difficult to believe. (Larry does seem to have made an error concerning the date of the encounter.) Obama was running for the House of Representatives at the time. Why would a congressional candidate party with an unknown yokel from out of town?

Hillary: On the Huma front (so to speak), new data chards, or at least new rumors, continue to trickle in. (As you may recall, the lovely, Saudi-born Huma Abedin is Hillary Clinton's chief personal aide and rumored lover.)

In a recent story, the Daily News referred to Huma as "absurdly competent and energetic," words which might qualify as subliminal messaging. Pravda -- hey, if you can't trust Pravda, who can you trust? -- refers to the Huma-Hillary affair as an unquestioned fact of history, although for some mysterious reason, this esteemed journal neglects to offer any proof. Another fine periodical, WorldNetDaily, refers to Hillary's "well-known bisexuality and her lesbian affair with her beautiful assistant," as though these postulates had been established with all the rigor of a geometrical proof. To top it off, Huma is also claimed to be working for Saudi intelligence.

The New York Observer says that Huma has been dating congressman Anthony Weiner. Heh. Heh heh heh. Heh. Weiner. Heh.

My reaction: Part of me hopes that all of these accusations are true, and that all three candidacies implode. EDWARDS VS HUCKABEE! Now that's the race I want to see.

By the way, check out the latest from Covert History. Did you know that Barack Obama owes his political career to a steamy scandal involving the lovely Jeri Ryan?