The woman who says she saw Bush have gay sex

From time to time, and for quite some time, I have discussed the strange case of Leola McConnell, the Las Vegas-based professional Dominatrix who insists that, back in the 1980s, she witnessed our beloved president George W. Bush engaged in an act of gay sex with Victor Ashe, currently the ambassador to Poland.

One reason I enjoy telling this story is that it affords me the opportunity to remind readers that Victor Ashe and Dubya were college roommates, and that they were both male cheerleaders.

Even before Leola started to gain attention from the national media -- okay, the tabloid media -- I had asked her for an interview. She has hinted that the Bush/Ashe story has confirmatory evidence, and I naturally wanted to know what that confirmation might be.

Now, I wasn't born yesterday. I understand that such tales rarely pan out. Nevertheless (I reasoned), I had nothing to lose by talking to the woman.

Wrong. Anyone other than a saint or a Buddhist monk who interacts with Leola McConnell stands a very good chance of losing something important: His temper.

First, she asked me to edit a rather lengthy example of her writing. (Although she is hawking a book, her writing style is -- let us put the matter charitably -- unprofessional.) Without asking a penny, I translated her extended thoughts into the English language.

Upon learning that I am, in my "other" life, a graphic artist and illustrator, she asked me to draw a picture of her in a superhero costume, with "Mona Lisa" colors (whatever that is supposed to mean). She mentioned something about using the piece on t-shirts and other materials. And she intimated that there would be money involved, although we never discussed an exact figure.

I should mention that she is also a female body-builder. To be frank, the buffed-up Femme-Domme look is not one I care for, on a personal level. But, hey, I'll ape John Byrne's work all the live-long day -- if you pay me.

(Byrne, for those who don't know, used to draw the She-Hulk.)

I could not quite understand all of her instructions -- the language barrier, again -- so I did a preliminary drawing, just to help get us on the same page regarding character design. I include a small version of that sketch here.

She didn't like it. She said the position made her look like she was kneeling. She had other problems.

No prob, I told her. It was just a preliminary sketch, and the positioning wasn't important at this stage; I was focusing on the costume details. (As you can see, I was thinking along the lines of something Green Lantern-ish.) I've worked in Hollywood, and believe me, I'm used to do-overs.

My communications were all very polite, friendly, professional and breezy in tone. Nothing could have prepared me for her next email:

I can't believe you made me look so subby. You know what, I've got this really good Voo-doo woman from Haiti. I'm going to have her made a Joe doll and do all kinds of weird shit to if you draw me as a sub again. When you parts start fucking falling off don't come crying to me, take it off Leola, take the curse off, pretty please -- I'm going to put you on iggy. When you manly parts shrink into nothing, don't blame moi. I'm going to call her right now and tell her to get to work--she's got one eye amd wears tiny heads on her dress so you just know it ain't looking good for ou already. Got me crawling around on all fours, unreal. I'll give you cannon-fire alright. Leola

Well.

I've had people tell me they didn't like my work before, but nobody else has ever reacted quite like that.

Leola then proceeded to send me a series of follow-up letters that were even more bizarre than the one printed above. She even saw fit to include obnoxious and outlandish references to my girlfriend (whom she has never encountered and does not know at all). She also insinuated that I sent her my phone number because I wanted phone sex.

(I send contact info to all my professional clients. Every freelancer in this game does likewise. The thought of phone sex with the She-Hulk is about as unpleasant to me as is the idea of a Dick Cheney presidency.)

Leola launched her bizarre attacks without any consideration for the fact that her entire "George-n-Victor" story rests, for now, upon her credibility. At this point, she doesn't have any. I am not an expert in the field of mental health and thus cannot offer any professional opinion of this woman's sanity. However, I have -- how to put this without giving too much away? -- I have a pretty good idea of what an actual, bona fide shrink might say about the missive published above.

Absent any third-party confirmation, I think we can now safely deposit Leola McConnell's tales of Victor and Dubya into the dumpster.