Researchers at Atrios' blog and elsewhere are finding surprising new quotations from Abraham Lincoln. Truly, research into our 16th president has made tremendous progress since the days of Carl Sandburg. I thought I would record some of the best ones for posterity -- including a few that I uncovered through my own research in Springfield, Illinois:
"My spidey sense is tingling! I hope Mary Jane is OK..."
-Abraham Lincoln, 1863
"This play has two more acts? Just shoot me now!"
-Abraham Lincoln
"I enjoy a good lynching as much as the next man."
--Abraham Lincoln, 1861
"Yeah, I know. But crazy chicks swallow."
-Abraham Lincoln, 1859
"They fired on Fort Sumter? Invade Canada!"
- Abraham Lincoln, 1861
"Who is here to sex the Abraham?"
- A. Lincoln
"Joshua Speed? I'll say!"
- A. Lincoln
"Who took my bong? No, really, it's not fucking funny. Where's my fucking bong?"
--Abraham Lincoln, on the campaign trail, 1860
"Nothing worse than spiked nuts."
-- Original opening to Gettysburg Address, 1863
"The Log Cabin Republicans give me a bad name."
-Abraham Lincoln
"Jeezus, my balls itch."
-A. Lincoln, 1849
"Where's the crapper in this place? I need to take a wicked dump."
-Abraham Lincoln, 1860, at a break during the Lincoln Douglas debates
"Hey, mother, look who's here! It's John Wilkes Boo..."
- A. Lincoln
"Wanna lose weight? Ask me how"
-A. Lincoln
"The Confederates will greet us with magnolia blossoms and pralines."
-A. Lincoln
"A man's legs should be long enough to kick your ass."
-A. Lincoln, 1853
"You should see my other hat."
-Abraham Lincoln
"When the pimp's in the crib, Ma,
drop it like it's hot."
-Abe Lincoln.
"Four score and...uh, er...........won't get fooled again."
-A. Lincoln, date uncertain
"The penny? The fucking penny?"
- A. Lincoln
"Yum-O!"
- Abraham Lincoln's 30-Minute Meals
"The real reason I started the Civil War was that I had issues about my father."
- A. Lincoln
"I admit I laughed when she spoke, because up until then, I did not realize Dolley Madison's mouth could be used for talking."
--Abraham Lincoln.
"Only The Riddler and his ilk would have such a flagrant disregard for private property!"
-Abrham Lincoln, 1862
"I'm Abraham Lincoln, Bitch!"
-A. Lincoln
"A DUCK!"
-A. Lincoln, proving that he is wise in the ways of science.
"It's just a comma."
-A. Lincoln, Gettysburg Address
"Pull my finger."
- A. Lincoln, Second Inaugural
"VROOOM!"
-A Lincoln town car
"Wanna see the Lincoln log?"
-A. Lincoln
"Hey, you smarmy little pipsqueak! Get the hell out of my office!!!"
-A. Lincoln's ghost, 2007
5 comments:
Here, deep in the heart of Redneckistan, the stupid trickles up.
Joe Kirby, the brain-dead editor of the local right-wing paper, spouted the same Lincoln B.S. last August:
http://www.cherokeetribune.com/articles/2006/08/20/309/10228640.txt
I sent a comment to them pointing out their error(s):
http://www.cherokeetribune.com/articles/2006/08/25/309/10229166.txt
But they conveniently dropped the specifics about their error. The line they omitted:
The Tribune then falsely attributes the "Constitution is not a suicide pact" quote to Abraham Lincoln. There is no historical documentation showing that Lincoln ever wrote or uttered this phrase. It is merely an urban legend no matter how many times Rush repeats it.
~
Clearly, these two-bit propagandists aren't interested in enhancing their readership's knowledge. They're only agenda is to parrot the party line and keep their readership in the dark. They certainly aren't secure enough to acknowledge an error on their part.
BTW - I had also included links (as I usually do) to the editor to back up my points:
Gonzalez transcript:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/02/06/AR2006020601359.html
Lincoln misattribution:
http://www.worldnetdaily.com/news/article.asp?ARTICLE_ID=48073
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Constitution_is_not_a_suicide_pact
Oh, and the "two acts" and "magnolia blossoms" quotes are priceless!
Thanks, i -- the first was one of mine.
Hey, so far there have been no nutty responses to this post. Guys, if you don't do something about that fast, I might actually sink into a good mood. You wouldn't want THAT, now, would you?
sofla said...
Joe, how about THIS (following) quote's accuracy? I've seen it both ways, unquestioningly quoted as genuine, and then 'debunked' as apocryphal. Are you familiar with it, and what is your opinion of it? (I was fairly well convinced that it was a mistaken quote, and then, in searching to find it to ask you, I found this, which appears fairly conclusive the other way).
------------------------
What Lincoln Foresaw:
Corporations Being "Enthroned" After the Civil War
and Re-Writing the Laws Defining Their Existence
by Rick Crawford, crawford@cs.ucdavis.edu
Here is a sobering quote by Abe Lincoln:
"I see in the near future a crisis approaching that unnerves me and causes me to tremble for the safety of my country. . . . corporations have been enthroned and an era of corruption in high places will follow, and the money power of the country will endeavor to prolong its reign by working upon the prejudices of the people until all wealth is aggregated in a few hands and the Republic is destroyed."
-- U.S. President Abraham Lincoln, Nov. 21, 1864
(letter to Col. William F. Elkins)
Ref: The Lincoln Encyclopedia, Archer H. Shaw (Macmillan, 1950, NY)
Some people expressed doubts about its authenticity, given Lincoln's work as an attorney for railroad corporations! It was an interesting job tracking it down and verifying its authenticity.
The first ref I heard for this quote was Jack London's 1908 Iron Heel. And although the quote indeed appears there (near p. 100), Jack London offered neither context nor source.
More recently, David Korten's book, When Corporations Rule the World (1995, Kumarian Press), sources the quote to Harvey Wasserman (America Born and Reborn, Macmillan, 1983, p. 89-90, 313), who in turn sources it to Paha Sapa Reports, the newspaper of the Black Hills Alliance, Rapid City, South Dakota, 4 March 1982. But given Wasserman's ties to Howard Zinn, and his status as co-founder (?) of the Liberation News Service, citing that kind of trail is like waving a red flag for the skeptics ;-)
Fortunately, after some burrowing in the univ. library, I was able to confirm its authenticity. Here it is, with more surrounding context:
"We may congratulate ourselves that this cruel war is nearing its end.
It has cost a vast amount of treasure and blood. . . .
It has indeed been a trying hour for the Republic; but
I see in the near future a crisis approaching that unnerves me and causes
me to tremble for the safety of my country. As a result of the war,
corporations have been enthroned and an era of corruption in high places
will follow, and the money power of the country will endeavor to prolong
its reign by working upon the prejudices of the people until all wealth
is aggregated in a few hands and the Republic is destroyed.
I feel at this moment more anxiety for the safety
of my country than ever before, even in the midst of war.
God grant that my suspicions may prove groundless."
The passage appears in a letter from Lincoln to (Col.) William F. Elkins, Nov. 21, 1864.
For a reliable pedigree, cite p. 40 of The Lincoln Encyclopedia, by Archer H. Shaw (Macmillan, 1950, NY). That traces the quote's lineage to p. 954 of Abraham Lincoln: A New Portrait, (Vol. 2) by Emanuel Hertz (Horace Liveright Inc, 1931, NY).
sofla, I really want to thank you. I had seen that quote before...was it in one of the People's Almanac books back in the '70s? -- but I had assumed it to be bogus. THanks!
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