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Saturday, November 11, 2017

You're gonna hate this, but I'm right

This is getting out of hand.

Yesterday, I read a story in which a man accused George Takei of sexual abuse. I admit that I didn't read the whole piece -- it got a little too redolent of gay porn -- but what I did read seemed open to more than one interpretation. Frankly, it looked like a simple case of misunderstood signals. The man in question was not underaged at the time of the encounter; there is no allegation of rape or of a threat against a career.

Look: This whole "mating dance" business can be icky and squicky, which is why I'm glad to be beyond all of that. It's a dance which relies on subtle cues and easily-misread body language. It's also -- let's be honest -- a contest in which fortune favors the bold, and men learn early on that he who can't muster up some boldness may enter his forties with virginity intact. That's a lesson we (presuming "we" to be hetero) learn FROM WOMEN, not from other men, though women invariably tell themselves and others that they teach no such lesson. Everyone knows that the bad boy gets laid and the sweet nerd spends his Saturday nights reading books and playing computer games. If women truly want men to be sweet and polite, then they should fuck men like that. Otherwise, stop bullshitting everyone. (And I say that as a basically shy fellow who got so sick of pretending to be someone I'm not that I often preferred to spend my Saturday nights in Barnes & Noble or conquering another level of Doom.) Women must also understand that if they continue to fuck bad boys, they increase the chances that some boys will take badness too far. On some level, I think, women do understand that.

No, I'm not justifying threats, force, ruhypnol, workplace harassment, the use of demeaning terms, the seduction of teens or "advertising one's shortcomings," as Louis C.K. did. All of that is obviously beyond the pale. But some of the current horror stories we've been hearing have nothing to do with workplace harassment or cognate sins. We're now hearing "Tales from date night" -- and at that point, I run out of sympathy.

On date night, there is no longer a hard-and-fast line separating acceptable boldness from non-acceptable. I know what you're about to say: "Yes, there is a line. No means no. That's the line." Uh-uh. That should be the line and that used to be the line, back when the rules were simple and clear. Unfortunately, in recent times, we've moved the line and applied a Gaussian blur.

Nowadays, a Bold One can be considered a rapey beast even if the female does not say No. Guys are supposed to read minds; we're supposed to back off when a woman thinks No. How dare our culture require women to say words that aren't easy to say? In some of these online "date night horror stories," we're supposed to sympathize with a female who freezes and feels confused and doesn't know how to respond to unwanted advances. At this point in the story, we usually get a hyperlink to a psychological study in which an Important Expert assures us that a "deer in the headlights" reaction is natural and expected, which means that a woman need no longer feel any responsibility to make her feelings known. And why should she? We live in a world in which all men are Penismonsters and everything is always their fault. How convenient!

God, I'm glad to be this age. Dating was tough enough a couple of decades ago; it must be hell now. Fortunately, there are still a few operational Barnes & Nobles, and emulators allow modern computers to fire up Doom.

Added note. As long as I'm pissing off everyone, I might as well mention something that has long bothered me about Fox News. The grisly revelations concerning Bill O'Reilly and Roger Ailes should surprise no-one, since the corporate culture of Fox should be apparent after an hour's watch. All the men on screen are aging blowhards -- and all the women go before the cameras dressed for a date, not for the office. Lots of cleavage, lots of thigh. The recent scandals have confirmed something that we've always suspected -- that these women were directed from on high to dress that way.

Vile? Of course. And I agree that most of the blame goes to the men at the top of the corporate hierarchy who advised women appearing on camera to sluttify their wardrobes. But let's be honest: Shouldn't a female television personality show a little more self-respect and a little more defiance? Shouldn't she say: "No, I will not dress that way"? If you have to debase yourself on national television in order to keep your job, don't keep that job. Quit. And write a tell-all book or article.
The expression was," Charmed her panties off". Apparently Bill Clinton had it.
Unlike returning that toaster the sales clerk's blandishments caused you to buy you can't regain your chastity once given. Some take their buyer's remorse out on the other person with accusations of harassment or assault. Best thing to do is not date until you need stiffy pills to get anything accomplished. Or if you must limit contact to a handshake at the end of the night.
Totally agree with you. While some cases are obviously true (Weinstein, Spacey, Louis CK) some others are quite suspect. One actress accused George Clooney of black balling her on the set of ER, rape by an unnamed producer and the rest of the cast was racist toward her. Right. Likewise accusations against Dustin Hoffman, Richard Dryfuss, George Takei and especially Charlie Sheen. These cases are all either really slight in their definition of sexual assault or they didn't happen at all. Sheen is being accused by hearsay that has been refuted by Corey Haim's Mom, as he died years back. Welcome to the new Witch Hunt of Salem. Why can't people STOP LYING about stuff that didn't happen that waters down the allegations of those that truly suffered?
Louis CK seems to have always asked permission before masturbating in front of people, although he's accused by an ex of noisily masturbating in his private sleeping area on a tour bus after they split up. To me, asking people if you can masturbate in front of them isn't in the same league as forcibly putting your hand up someone, a la Weinstein.
I hate to interrupt the tender manfest here, but the last thread's intense concern for little j's assertion that HE was arbiter of when women are to be believed sickened me to the point last night I had a nightmare that Big J had a young son who died, and I hope that dream son was not a metaphor for this blog, because, sorry, Joseph, you are squarely on the wrong side of a historic change. And to quote and echo Uma Thurman, "when I am less angry, I will speak." Including finally calling out a maddeningly regular grammatical error that hopefully will curb Joseph's false sense of always being right.
I'm sorry, re my dream metaphor
I did not mean your blog would die, obviously my dream's metaphors are language to me. I meant I hope it does not mean the blog would be dead to me. The you are on the wrong side of history, on the other hand, is not my opinion. Just wanted to clarify.
I agree with you!
And I am a woman who has experienced sexual harrassment on more than one occasion. Sexual harrassment is real and happens way too often, but every sexual advance is not equal to sexual harrassment.
Sexual harrassment is about power not sex and mating.
As for Fox News women, they should know that the idea behind Fox News is to promote a certain culture. The culture of conservatism and the legitimacy of power in the hands of White, male and mostly Christian men.Looking slutty on TV is just one part of agreeing to be part of promoting that culture. A similar culture is promoted in many religious organizations. Looking slutty but acting chaste has long been accepted as normal in these circles .
Sickening. Enjoy your new circle. Oo. Wow, A woman who has experienced hatassment but wants to pile on slutty women. Stop the presses. You are surrounded by the arbiters of everything. Heil arbiters!
Why point fingers at Sanders Brogressuves? How is this community any better?
It seems to me that those young ladies in their revealing outfits on Faux News, while displaying their subjective enjoyment of such physical attributes which can draw a certain sort of male gaze, are not good faith agents in the human adventure. They are paid a lot, but much less I'm sure than the foul smelling (there can be no doubt that Bill O'Reilly smells like the crotch of a no longer fresh corpse) man seated next to them, to be on TV. Their employer's puropse being to sugar coat Rupert and Roger's odious fascist brain washing enterprise, to reinforce white male privilege, transmissible by the magic of that privilege even to trailer park dwellers.

A notable case in point was a broadcast mafe by the to appearances classy Meghan Kelly, who carried on about how Black Lives Matter members want to kill "cracker babies."

Pointing a suitable, disrespectful finger at such persons is only good sense because the targets make themselves at best ridiculous, though in the heat of a political discussion such raillery may take on satirical terminology that bears the mark of their employer, and is not meant to attach to their more general membership in their gender.

At least that's my reading of this rivulet amongst deep and turbulent waters.

If any names have been misspelled by me in this comment it's because they are all greatly trivial and not worth the time to check.

Oh, in re: international politics etc, Schindler writes that spies tell him that the Russians will be floating a bunch of fake Trump sex tapes. How'd we know to distrust Mr. XX? It seems that parts of the Fascist Aliance have decided to work to keep the destructive Trump in place.

I have been reading Jane Austen with great pleasure lately and will now return to those deep and scintillating pages.

No one here is defending sexual harrassment or for that matter, sexual abuse in any form or blaming any woman, slutty or not.
I am agreeing that there are women who lie about this, who mistake a sexual advance with harrassment or abuse, who knowingly or un knowingly promote cultures that at heart believe in mastery of male over female which tacitly allows men to behave badly,
Do you not agree?
I am baffled by your anger.
Are you saying that no woman has ever lied or misunderstood sexual advance with sexual harrassment or abuse?

Oh noooooes - you did NOT just tell all women to "just quit" their jobs if they are being harassed. ???
Where did I say that? I wish people would stop reading things between the lines.
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