Tuesday, October 04, 2016

THIS is our Big Effing Surprise? Seriously? I was worried about THIS?

Okay, the Big Fucking Surprise just hit -- and went SPLAT. It was released by "Guccifer 2.0" (known to be Russian intelligence) instead of Julian Assange. I guess the Big Fucking Surprise turned out to be so ridiculous that even Jumpin' Julian wanted nothing to do with it. (Guccifer does, however, give a fraternal shout out to Julian.)

As I predicted, they decided not to release fake messages from Hillary's email server. The FBI was able to reconstruct many of the deleted messages, which means that any bogus messages would not match the ones in the FBI's possession. So they decided to gin up a bogus hack of the Clinton Foundation's computer -- which, according to Guccifer, is utterly unprotected. This approach makes it a matter of Guccifer's word vs. the Foundation's.

How do we know that the results are bogus? Well, Guccifer offers a screenshot of folders which were supposedly on the Foundation's computer. There is no mention of the charitable work done by the Foundation around the world, and no reference to anyone who works for the Foundation. In other words, we see nothing that we might reasonably expect to see. Instead, the folders include such headings as "DNC" and "DC Region 2015-1016" and -- my favorite -- "Pay to Play."

Oh right. Surrrrrrre. As though that would be the actual name of a folder on the Clinton Foundation's (allegedly wide-open) computer system.

Why not a folder marked "Children Sacrificed to Lord NATAS" or "Hillary's Lesbian Lovers" or "Evil Things to Do Today"?

You'd have to have a single-digit IQ to believe this horseshit. Even Katrina Pierson must be rolling her eyes.

There is also the first page of a list of Democratic stalwarts (such as Barney Frank) who supposedly got TARP fund kickbacks, as though it were possible to pull off a scheme like that with the Republicans controlling congressional investigative committees. Are we really supposed to believe that not one banker anywhere complained or blew the whistle? Barney Frank is one of Wall Street's most powerful critics; the idea of him getting secret kickbacks from Wall Street firms is inane.

More to the point: Why would that list be on a computer owned by a fucking charity?

None of this makes any sense. Even if we were to grant the possibility of such a kickback scheme -- which I most certainly do not -- why would the schemers keep such a list on any computer, particularly one that is (per Guccifer's claims) utterly unprotected? And why hand such a list over to the Clintons? The Clintons had nothing to do with TARP. (As many now forget, TARP was instituted under Bush).

The response was swift:
"Once again, we still have no evidence Clinton Foundation systems were breached and have not been notified by law enforcement of an issue," a foundation official said. "None of these folders or files shown are from the Clinton Foundation."
I think that what we are actually seeing are doctored files from the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee, which the Russians hacked months ago.

Good Kee-RIST. I could have come up with a better smear. Seriously, I should offer my services to Vladimir. The Russian people have many virtues, but they have never been known for their subtlety.

This nonsense may cause a furor on the right-wing nutball sites, but I doubt that this particular meme-monster will wander far from that ghetto. Then again, I never thought that Benghazi Madness would last as long as it did...

Added note: As longtime readers know, I've always been fascinated by political "hoaxlore" -- my term for such paranoid classics as "The Protocols of the Elders of Zion," "Iron Mountain," Alternative Three, the Zinoviev Letter and "Silent Weapons For Secret Wars." Guccifer's latest may be considered the Digital Age update of that tradition. But compared to those earlier examples, this one is just plain moronic. It reads like something cooked up by a demented Sarah Palin fan, or perhaps Sarah herself. (Or maybe dear old Milo...?)

Hey, Guccifer -- in your updated version, how about a folder marked "Sandy Hook Crisis Actor Directory List"? That should send every rube in ParanoiaLand into uncontrollable waves of conspiragasm...

6 comments:

Ivory Bill Woodpecker said...

Lolfart *sad trombone*

Alessandro Machi said...

Even if there was a "Pay to Play" list, it could have been a WARNING list of potential donors NOT to do business with.

Bob Harrison said...

That doesn't even come up to Guardian standards, and it's not nearly as believable as Majestic 12. (I prefer my conspiracies in brightly colored objects.)

Michael said...

Now you understand why Assange got cold feet.

b said...

Roger Stone may not be as big a player in this election as he has been in previous elections. In this scenario, he posts a few tweets to justify whatever Trump is paying him. Perhaps he will become a bigger player if there's civil unrest.

I still think we'll get at least one big October surprise. It could come in Syria. It could involve terrorism in the US. Any document dump by Wikileaks is likely to be a side issue.

Pence seems to have done well in last night's debate. The media are saying that Kaine was "over-caffeinated". He did seem to be grinning a lot. Perhaps he should change his first name to "Co"?

D-Jay said...

Looks like something they slapped together in a panicked rush when Julian didn't deliver the goods.

I wouldn't doubt that Mr. J had a better crafted forgery ready to go, but got cold feet looking at far ahead Hillary is pulling in the polls. If she becomes president and he was involved in cooking up forged evidence against her, it wouldn't help his cause in the long run.

Of course, another possibility is that he was also given some real dirt on Trump that was just too bad to overlook and couldn't bring himself to help inflict him on the world.