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Sunday, April 17, 2016

Meet the Smuggies!

When I was a boy, college-aged adults became hippies. Now they are Smuggies.

They have earned that name via their perpetual sense of self-righteousness and entitlement. Smuggies are convinced that only they have ever possessed intelligence, morality or decency. Smuggies think that their elders are all racists, fiends and dupes.

Smuggies know everything. Smuggies love to whine. Smuggies need little pretext to act affronted. Smuggies were raised by "helicopter parents" who always protected them from the dangers of this world. That's why Smuggies demand an environment free of any sight or sound that might possibly cause offense.

In short: Smuggies are cowards, yet they are also on a power trip. (That useful phrase was coined by the hippies. Let's bring it back.)

Despite their complete ignorance of history, and despite their proven willingness to be conned, Smuggies never apologize and never back down. Remember Emily Litella, as played by Gilda Radner? (If you're my age, you can't forget.) Each Smuggie is an Emily Littella who never says "Never mind" -- because her egomania forces her to double down on her hallucinations. You're wrong: Jimmy Carter really does want to make Puerto Rico a steak.
They're young. They're arrogant. They never admit error. They're Smuggies!

Here's an example of Smuggieness in action (and thanks to a reader for the link): A Dominican Friar named Father Jude McPeak visited the University of Indiana, wearing his traditional garment. Immediately, all of the young Smuggies on campus jumped to the obvious conclusion: It's someone from the KKK! And he's carrying a whip!

The "whip" was a rosary.

Now, you'd think that even Emily Litella would have known the difference between a monk and a Klansman. But Smuggies live in a world of hallucinations: They know with a bone-deep certainty that the Klan is everywhere.

Just look at the tweet reproduced to your left. "Please PLEASE PLEASE be careful out there tonight..." "I would recommend staying indoors if you're alone..."

Oh, for Chrissakes.

Lemme ask you, Ethan G: Suppose your campus really had received a visit from a Klansman. So the fuck what? What are you so afraid of?

When I was 9, I spent a lot of unsupervised time in the Santa Susannah Pass, hanging with (in all likelihood) members of the Manson family. Starting in my early teens, I sought out every freak and weirdo that L.A. had to offer -- and believe me, they were plentiful. No Klansmen, but we had everything else you could imagine: JDLers. Nazis. Black Muslims. Moonies. Hare Krishnas. Children of God. Black-clad Satanists and other occult worthies. The Tony Alamo cult. Scientologists. Drug dealers. Wacko street people on Hollywood Blvd. Genuinely scary dudes.

In each and every case, I wasn't afraid to walk up to 'em and shoot the shit.

At the age of 14, I invaded the offices of the Order of the Black Ram and asked: "So tell me about your cult." That NOI member who harangued white people in the Gelsons parking lot turned out to be a pretty nice guy: I later read an interview in which he admitted that he was more scared of us than I ever was of him.

The point is this: I was fascinated by people with extreme ideas. They were bizarre and often repugnant. But they didn't scare me.  

Ethan G., here's my message to you and all of your fellow Smuggies: COWBOY UP. Grow a pair.

And don't complain about the "sexist" nature of the previous paragraph, because nobody's buying that shit. We all know full well that casuistry is the first recourse of the Power Tripper.

Just stop being such a shivery little fraidy-cat. And stop acting so fucking smug. I'm bald, overweight and recovering from a heart attack -- yet I bet I could still wipe the floor with a quivering young snot like you. (And I bet that the monk who visited your campus could probably do the same.)

Byrd brains. The Smuggies see the malign hand of the KKK everywhere. The Klan is far more widespread and powerful in their imagination than it is in reality. To members of this generation, only the young and the smug are free of the taint of racism: If you have grey hair, if your skin bears a few extra wrinkles, your name must be Adolf.

A reader named Prowlerzee sends in another example of Smuggieness in action. This story involves the late Senator Robert Byrd...
The most jawdropping meme that keeps cropping up is how Hillary "secretly" is a SUPPORTER of the KKK and is desperately trying to hide a video of her praising Byrd.

In this meme they "reveal" a video of this public speech with quotes of a younger Byrd, who later evolved out of his racist upbringing and earnestly regretted his history. This is hardly a secret! But apparently a ton of people, even those our age, somehow didn't know of Byrd's history, tho he'd spoken of it, and it was well known when I was growing up! The meme pretends Byrd was an unrepentant racist KKK leader *while* Hillary was praising him.
The story of Robert Byrd, called "The Lion of the Senate" in his day, is -- or should be -- well-known. Yes, this child of the south had a youthful flirtation with the forces of darkness. He saw the error of his ways and became one of Congress' staunchest advocates of liberal ideals -- and his passing was mourned by the NAACP.

Our historically-illiterate legions of arrogant young smuggies would do well to read Byrd's brilliant 2005 attack on George W. Bush, Losing America: Confronting a Reckless and Arrogant Presidency. It's a superb riposte to the Patriot Act, and to the entire Bush presidency. (Yes, Byrd writes frankly about how he fell in with the Klan as a young man.)

2005 wasn't that long ago, but as far as the Smuggies are concerned, it was the Pleistocene. Smuggies know nothing about history -- absolutely nothing. You can tell a Smuggie that the hammer was invented in 1913, and he or she would believe you. That's why Smuggies are such easy prey for the con artists who put together the graphic reproduced above.

Yet these cowardly young snots think they know everything. They think that they have earned the right to lecture people like me.

Talk about reckless and arrogant!

Typical Smuggieness. Arrogant, affluent Smuggies tossed money at Hillary Clinton as a form of protest. If these entitled jerks really cared about the poor, they would have given that money to a charity -- the Clinton Foundation, for example.

Of course, the Clintons have done far, far more for the poor than the Smuggies ever have or ever will.

By the way: The Smuggies are protesting a fundraiser designed to fund congressional Democrats. Brilliant! Apparently, these smug fools want no Dems in Congress. Not pure enough.

Question: How the hell do these idiots propose to enact Medicare For All without any votes?
Memes will be the death of society....memes and twits tweeting. I still kid you not, there are people our age who want to be hip with the kids (or whatever they call it these days, lol) and ALSO post those Byrd-brained (great coin, by the way!) memes. They should know better! I've seen them post things by the Washington Times. They don't care they're quoting rightwingers!

Presidents are MAGIC, don't you know? Like Kings endowed by GOD. All Bernie has to do is plant his magic beans.

I'd heard about the throwing of a thousand dollar bills ....but I had no idea it was at a fundraiser for OTHER Dem candidates!
And yet they never threw protests about Obama's fundraising....and he not only did NOT help other Dems, he actively stepped in and ruined the bids of three separate progressive black women challengers to establishment white male Dems. Who's the racist again? Who's the progressive?

Smuggies are special, are they not? That monk story....omg!

Joe asked:

Question: How the hell do these idiots propose to enact Medicare For All without any votes?

You're forgetting the magic word, Joe. REVOLUTION! A gazillion smuggies will march on DC, demanding Medicare for all, free college and my personal free pony. The world will be wonderful again, requiring far less effort and sweat than rooting around for votes. The force of St Bernard's passion will transform all things and a revolutionary spirit will spread across the land.

Forgive me, but this sounds vaguely familiar to the last Siren call. Or fairytale.

How ironic that once again HRC finds herself branded the Ice Queen, the Democratic Whore, the Bearer of All Things Corrupt.

Strange how that works.

I'm thinking St Bernard and his fearless Brigade are smoking rolled up dollar bills, maybe the one's left in the wake of the Clooney fundraiser motorcade.

New York votes tomorrow. Time to put away childish things.

Shorter Peggysue: "Get off my lawn!"
By the way: The Smuggies are protesting a fundraiser designed to fund congressional Democrats.

Well, sort of. It was a fundraiser for the Hillary Victory Fund, which does donate to state and national committees, in addition to the Hillary campaign. A quick check of HVF's April FEC schedule B filing ( shows that the largest recipient of funds from HVF last quarter was Hillary for America ($9.45 million out of a total of $14.9 million, or 63.4%). This has led some cynical souls to speculate that HVF is designed more to circumvent individual donation limits for Presidential campaigns than to "fund congressional democrats". BTW, this amount does not include donations made to Hillary for America by the state parties that (coincidentally?) received money from the HVF.
I saw Clooney toss smooches at Hillary yesterday for South Sudan yesterday. But how does he explain away Iraq, Libya, Syria, Yemen? Bet Joe can't quote anything from the one per-center on that.
Elsewhere there are all kinds of warnings about Bernie and his hard-core literally sparking a revolution in the country by electing Trump. "Sarandon can afford it, we can't."

How revealing. Betcha they never expressed such concern for the victims of Clinton-Bush-Obama
interventionist imperialism, call it right imperialism, call it left imperialism, who cares?

"New York votes tomorrow. Time to put away childish things."

It can't come too soon, Peggysue. Have you heard the latest? The Hotsauce Pander-gate??!
"Starting in my early teens, I sought out every freak and weirdo that L.A. had to offer -- and believe me, they were plentiful. No Klansmen, but we had everything else you could imagine: [...] Wacko street people on Hollywood Blvd."

Did you ever meet the great Larry "Wild Man" Fischer? He sang on that street a lot in the 1960s, and in subsequent decades.

(Here he is, for those who don't know his music - and for those who do! - singing "Yesterday" far better than the forgettable Liverpudlians who wrote it and anyone else I've heard covering it.)
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