In the preceding post, we dealt with some idle chit-chat. Time to address a real
issue: Why is it that fortune cookies no longer contain fortunes? Dammit, I don't want to see any more puerile descriptions of my character. I want predictions, and I want them to be agonizingly specific
Examples: "Within the next three days, you will meet a man who will suggest a way to make millions by appealing to the basest instincts of humanity. His name will be Randolph and he will wear a hideous green tie." Or: "Full-scale nuclear war will break out on your next birthday." Or: "In a short while, those men behind the bar will try to kill you. If you survive, meet me on a ship called the Joyita, berth 27. Nice to have met you, Mr. Bond." Or: "You thought Palin's last
speech was hilarious? Wait'll you see the next
one! The guy sending her messages through her earpiece will suddenly start reciting dirty limericks in Mandarin."
Why don't fortune cookies do that
any more? I don't care if the message is accurate. I just want to cap off my evening with a bit of mystery and intrigue.