Tuesday, January 27, 2015


In the preceding post, we dealt with some idle chit-chat. Time to address a real issue: Why is it that fortune cookies no longer contain fortunes? Dammit, I don't want to see any more puerile descriptions of my character. I want predictions, and I want them to be agonizingly specific.

Examples: "Within the next three days, you will meet a man who will suggest a way to make millions by appealing to the basest instincts of humanity. His name will be Randolph and he will wear a hideous green tie." Or: "Full-scale nuclear war will break out on your next birthday." Or: "In a short while, those men behind the bar will try to kill you. If you survive, meet me on a ship called the Joyita, berth 27. Nice to have met you, Mr. Bond." Or: "You thought Palin's last speech was hilarious? Wait'll you see the next one! The guy sending her messages through her earpiece will suddenly start reciting dirty limericks in Mandarin."

Why don't fortune cookies do that any more? I don't care if the message is accurate. I just want to cap off my evening with a bit of mystery and intrigue.
You want mystery and intrigue after eating moo goo gai pan and egg foo young?

Take a laxative and you'll be rewarded with all the Chinese fortunes, mystery and intrigue your stool can't handle. lol
I got one once that wasn't so much a prediction as an unexpected side order of cynicism: "The road to hell is paved with good intentions."
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