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Saturday, October 25, 2014

A date with Democracy

If you're like me, you probably receive lots (and lots and LOTS) of fundraising emails from the Democratic Party and allied groups. Each of these emails has a headline designed to entice the reader to read the message.

I've noticed something strange about those headlines. If you slightly re-arrange the order, they form a kind of narrative poem. The story they tell is not political. Rather, it's...

Well, to be frank, it's a story that reminds me of a time when I was younger. And single.

(Each line below is an actual headline, copied and pasted from actual Democratic fundraising emails.)

* * *

Please, Joseph
will you?
Joseph, I'm urging you
I need you
URGENT
begging...BEGGING
pleading...PLEADING
Today We Stand For Love
Start Up and Go!
!!!!!!!
ASTRONOMICAL
PUMMELED
WE'RE GOING CRAZY HERE, Joseph
we are still grinding away
you're amazing
this is it Joseph
FINALLY (it happened!)
S-T-U-N-N-I-N-G!!!
Boehner SCREAMING (look)
done
disappointed
Boehner's MELTDOWN
we. fell. short.
everything we had...it wasn't enough
Boehner's devastating defeat
Hopes Dashed
I'm pleading (again)
YOU WON'T BELIEVE THIS!!
we weren't expecting this
STUNNING Comeback
MIRACLE (!!!)
get this HUGE surprise
A seat we CAN win
This could be the end
..not in a good place...
SCREAM
painful
terrifying
even more of a shock
Boehner's GIANT mistake
Whoa!
☺ double-dose of great news!
BEST...EVER...
Keep 'em coming
WOW
I-N-C-R-E-D-I-B-L-E
just keep on coming
Commitment
Joseph, we've tried everything
the final one
BEST...EVER...
We've got nothing left
Boehner DEFEATED
Boehner OUT
SAD BOEHNER
disappointed joseph
feeling of regret
kiss any hope goodbye
It's over. It's done. Go home.

* * *

To be honest, I can't claim that my dates really went like that. But that is how they ended.

(You know what's really frightening? Some of those emails were signed "Robert Reich.")
Comments:
Beautiful. You should carve this on soapstone and lay it down in a cave somewhere as a riddle for future archaeologists.
 
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