Saturday, February 22, 2014

Ragnarok: Screwed again

I've been looking forward to Ragnarok ever since Stan and Jack hipped me to the concept back in those old issues of Thor. Last year, we were promised a proper Ragnarok on this date: See here and here and here.
Norse mythology experts have calculated that Vikings believed this will take place on February 22, 2014.

On this day, the god Odin will be killed by the wolf Fenrir and the other ‘creator’ gods.
These weren't just any prognosticators, people. These were Norse mythology experts. You understand? EXPERTS.

So this morning, I'm wondering whether I should ditch my diet and down a bag of Utz. (Utz is the local potato chip maker.) Long story short, I go for it. Total piggage. After all, the world is ending today anyways, right? Before the sun sets (I tell myself), the Midgard Serpent will rise from the Chesapeake and devour us all, so who really cares about a bag of mediocre chips?


Well. All I can say is, they're gonna have to try extra-hard if they want to get me on board with the next Ragnarok prediction.

A real expert in Norse mythology would know that the Fenriswolf isn't one of the creator gods, but rather the child of Loki, as are Jormungandr (aka the Midgard Serpent) and Hel, lady of the underworld. Also, Odin's horse Sleipnir, which resulted from Loki distracting a horse so the gods could steal back the apples of immortality. That Loki, always whoring himself to horses. They left that out of the film, though.

Anyway, we know when the world will end. When the unquiet dead can build a boat from nail clippings and Surt the fire giant rides his chariot over the rainbow to Oz. Date unknown.
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