A couple of weeks ago, Papa John's Pizza CEO John Schnatter made headlines when he said that he would have to cut back hours and/or raise prices on his products in order to pay for Obamacare. The price rise threat never made much sense: New health care regulations will cost the company (says Schnatter) between five and eight million bucks per year, which he can cover with a price rise of four cents per pie. Besides, I was always under the impression that, under capitalism, prices are determined by competition
Well, I've been doing some research. Turns out that Papa Johns operates in a place called Canada
, where Big Obtrusive Nanny State Gummint offers -- get this -- full, socialized health coverage
. And yet the restaurants seem to be doing well!
So why did Schnatter bewail Obamacare so vociferously while marching in step along with those filthy northern Reds? Doesn't make sense. Unless...
Of course! This is all a scheme to lull us into complacency. Comrade Schnatter must be a "deep cover" Red agent directed to create a false opposition to Obama's Marxism. It's a classic pattern -- the kind of propaganda conspiracy that the John Birch Society frequently warned us about. Something something Hegelian dialectics something something.
Now that we've exposed Schnatter, I think we can point to another deep cover Marxist agent: John Metz
, who operates 40 Denny's restaurants in Florida. He told the media that he was going to add a five percent "Obamacare" surcharge to the bill. Are you wondering how a price rise of a few cents could turn into a five percent surcharge? Well, y'see, that was all part of Comrade Metz' scheme to fool the public into believing that Denny's favors capitalism.
Turns out that Dennys is also open for business in Red Canada
, the hellish wasteland where the Bolshevik hordes crucified John Galt. The company seems able to run restaurants (now serving "Frodo's Pot Roast Skillet") despite the menace of socialized medicine.
Last year, we took a look at certain comments made by Home Depot co-founder Bernie Marcus
, who intimated that Obamacare would make his business impossible to continue. He also said that Obama had increased onerous rules and regulations on business. (Not true; regulatory increase was a Bush
phenomena.) At the time, I wrote...
By the way: There are Home Depots in Canada! Plenty of 'em!
Those stores remain open for business even though those despicable job-killing gummint regulations are even more severe north of the border. (And yes, employers there do like to bitch about that situation.) Those unlucky Canucks agonize under the burdens of a socialized health care regime, which businesses large and small must help to fund.
And yet -- how can this be? -- Home Depot Canada is doing fine!
In Canada, the minimum wage is higher -- between $8.75 and $11.00 an hour (figured in "international dollars"). The government also imposes stricter environmental standards.
So, Bernie Marcus -- may I call you Mr. Brain-Dead? -- I have some further questions.
If you hate government regulations, I'd like to know just when you plan to close down all Home Depots in Canada. Also, can you explain why Canada, with its larger number of regulations, is much closer to full employment than we are right now?
I was confused by such things then. Now, at least part
of the answer has made itself manifest. Bernie Marcus, John Metz and John Schnatter must be secret commie agents. Their job: Make capitalism look bad by saying incredibly stupid things and issuing lots of empty threats