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Saturday, May 21, 2011

It did SO end

The world ended today. Your mind could not process the the information, so you continue to hallucinate a "normal" existence on planet Earth. From now on, you will occasionally receive subtle messages intended to acclimate you to the truth. You know, sort of like that scene in Inception where Michael Caine tells Leo Whatzisname "Come back to reality." Like that. Except I'm not going to introduce you to Ellen Page. Look, do you really want to meet Ellen Page? I mean, did you even see Hard Candy?

I seem to have gotten off track. The point is this: What you are reading right now is the first of many quasi-subliminal messages ingeniously designed to clue you in. There will be others...on bus benches, on candy wrappers, hidden in the small print in chocolate chip cookie dough baking instructions. That sort of thing. I might even have Katie Couric just blurt out "You're all DEAD!" on TV, except I'm not convinced that anyone is watching her. Eventually, the truth will just kind of sneak up on you.

I'm actually a very clever entity, you know. Ask anyone.

-- God

PS. I think I've finally got Inception figured out, at least most of it. Look, you have to assume that the whole thing is a dream, because the "real" parts of the story (like the chase scene in Africa) are just too ridiculous to take seriously. So when Mal killed herself, she really did wake up. Besides, if the "real" parts were really real, then the whole movie would be kind of a bummer, because Saito (a jerk) gains control of the world's energy supply and I was rooting for the nice rich kid with Daddy issues.

Wait. An alternate theory just popped into my celestial noggin. Maybe Leo Whatzisname did kill Mal and everything that happened afterward was just a psychotic break from reality. In other words, Inception and Shutter Island are the same damn movie.

Do you think I should have given a spoiler alert? Bear with me. You'd be surprised how confused I get.

Have you ever considered that we may all have died a long time ago and we didn't go to the good place, we got sent to the bad place instead.

If this is Hell it sure would explain a lot of things.
I beleve that the only thing that is supposed to happen today is that What's-His-Face's cult members will be miraculously Hoovered into Heaven. The actual end of the world is scheduled for October 21. This gives the guy five more months of wiggle-room to collect donations from the faithful terrified who didn't make the first cut.
Forgot to sign the foregoing.

Or even worse--we all have died and this is Heaven.
The only spoiler you'll ever need for Inception is that the soundtrack makes the movie unwatchable. It was hard enough to get thru the late 70's ---do we really want to bring horrible distracting music soundtracks back???
People can rave about Scorsese all they want, and I LOVED The Departed and Gangs of New York, but Shutter Island sucked.

I don't have a problem with that kind of story, but I think it has to be possible that the audience could figure out the truth, and the conversation with Jackie Earle Haley's character makes that impossible. He corroborates the Marshal's story, that he was in another jail, and they picked him back up and sent him to Shutter Island.

How did that happen, if he wasn't a US Marshal at the time?

That shit just irritates me.
If the world ended, then I'm not in heaven. In heaven you WOULD ABSOLUTELY introduce me to Ellen Page.
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